Ph
      Be
      BO
      #
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Right
      Outta
      Left
      Field:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Okay,
      let’s
      get
      this
     
     
      obligatory
      complaint
     
     
      column
      out
      of
      the
      way
      as
     
    

    
     
      eacefully
      as
      possible.
     
     
      ot
      that
      I
      don’t
      enjoy
     
     
      oing
      complaint
      columns,
     
     
      ind
      you,
      it’s
      just
      that
      I
     
     
      ould
      rather
      be
      doing
     
     
      omething
      more
      positive.
     
     
      yway,
      on
      with
      the
      show:
     
     
      he
      topic
      for
      discussion
     
     
      s,
      of
      course,
      paying
      for
     
     
      arking
      (I
      like
      to
      keep
      my
     
     
      omplaints
      as
      current
      as
     
     
      ossible,
      it
      os.
     
     
      onvenient).
      Far
      be
      it
      for
     
     
      e
      to
      chastise
      the
     
     
      dministration
      for
      causing
     
     
      e
      to
      dip
      into
      my
      spare
     
     
      hange
      to
      round
      up
      $50
      for
     
     
      he
      privilege
      of
      leaving
     
     
      y
      vehicle
      unattended
     
     
      hilst
      I
      hike
      the
      several
     
     
      undred
      meters
      to
      class
     
     
      worse-case
      scenario:
      from
     
     
      he
      lot
      behind
      MacAdam
     
     
      ield
      to
      Robertson),
      but
      I
     
     
      o
      have
      the
      right
      to
      speak
     
     
      mind,
      don’t
      I?
      Well,
     
     
      ere
      goes.
     
    

    
     
      To
      begin,
      I’d
      like
      to
     
     
      ommend
      the
      administration
     
     
      or
      insisting
      on
      a
      pay-as-
     
     
      ou-park
      system.
      ‘‘/Why?’’
     
     
      ou
      may
      be
      asking
      yourself.
     
     
      or
      this
      reason
      --
      tuition
     
     
      ates.
      As
      long’
      as
      ‘the
     
     
      dministration
      continues
     
     
      o
      mask
      and
      disguise
      the
     
     
      hortfall
      of
      money
      coming
     
     
      nto
      the
      university,
      I
     
     
      on’t
      really
      mind
      what
     
     
      hey
      think
      of
      next
      to
      suck
     
    
   
   
    
     
      JAD'S
      STRAIT
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      For
      more
      information
      please
      call
     
     
      902
      962
      5B
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      money
      out
      of
      my
      bank
     
     
      account.
      Here
      are
      a
      few
     
     
      suggestions
      of
      how
      to
     
     
      increase
      the
      cash
      flow:
     
     
      increasing
      charges
      on
     
     
      overdue
      library
      books
      from
     
     
      20¢
      a
      day
      to
      $1
      a
      day
      (not
     
     
      only
      would
      the
      library
     
     
      make
      a
      profit,
      all
      library
     
     
      books
      would
      be
      returned
     
     
      early);
      a
      toll
      booth
      to
     
     
      enter
      the
      Pit,
      the
      Barn,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      J.
      Jones
     
    
   
   
    
     
      course
      you
      do!
      The
      scheme
     
     
      began
      several
      years
      ago
      in
     
     
      1989
      in
      a’
      boardroom
      in
     
     
      Ottawa,
      Department
      of
      Sport
     
     
      and
      Fitness
      to
      be
      precise.
     
     
      After
      the
      Ben
      Johnson
     
     
      affair,
      where
      Canadian
     
     
      athletes
      were
      found
      to
      be
     
     
      using
      steroids,
      the
      head
     
     
      honcho
      at
      Sport
      &
      Fitness
     
     
      became
      a
      little
      worried.
     
     
      He
      or
      she
      knew
      that
      if
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ba
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      es
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ¢~
     
     
      ey
     
     
      o
      at
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      and
      the
      Cafeteria;
      start
     
     
      charging
      for
      the
      X-Press
     
     
      (like
      that’ll
      go
      over
     
     
      well)?
      “and
      possibly
     
     
      charging
      user
      fees
      for
     
     
      desks
      or
      chairs.
     
    

    
     
      Okay,
      so
      most
      of
      those
     
     
      things
      (hopefully)
      won’t
     
     
      happen
      anytime
      soon.
      But
     
     
      speaking
      of
      fiction,
      do
     
     
      you
      readers
      want
      to
      know
     
     
      the
      real
      reason
      for
      UPEI
     
     
      charging
      for
      parking?
      Of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Canadian
      athletes
      didn’t
     
     
      compete
      at
      the
      top
      level
     
     
      and
      win
      Olympic
      medals,
     
     
      these
      athletes
      would
      never
     
     
      receive
      major
      advertising
     
     
      deals
      inthe
      US,
      and
      Ottawa
     
    
   
   
    
     
      would
      lose
      millions
      of
     
     
      dollars”
      in’.
      income
      tax
     
    
   
   
    
     
      revenue.
      Besides,
      Vt
     
     
      Canadian
      athletes
      dropped
     
     
      in
      the
      standings,
      chances
     
     
      are
      the
      minister
      would
      be
     
     
      dropped
      from
      Cabinet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Parking
      Conspiracy
      And
      Other
      Such
      Trivialties
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
     
          
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
          
     
     
          
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
         
     
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      As
      such,
      the
      minister
     
     
      quickly
      and
      discreetl
     
     
      borrowed
      about
      $50
      billio
     
     
      from
      the
      national
      coffers
     
     
      (remember,
      this
      is
      Ottawa,
     
     
      so
      it
      could
      happen),
      spent
     
     
      it
      on
      some
      obscure
      project
     
     
      in
      an
      obscure
      region
      of
     
     
      Canada
      where
      no
      one
      woul
     
     
      notice
      it.
      This
      massive
     
     
      expenditure
      caused
      the
     
     
      recession,
      which
      cause
     
     
      ‘'massive
      and
      drastic
     
     
      cutbacks
      across’.
      the
     
     
      board,’’
      which
      caused
      a
     
     
      shortage
      of
      funds
      to
      post-
     
     
      secondary
      institutions,
     
     
      which
      eventually
      cause
     
     
      UPEI
      to
      charge
      for
      parking.
     
    

    
     
      ‘*‘How
      does
      this
      all
      tie
     
     
      together?’’
      you
      may
      be
     
     
      asking
      yourselves
      by
      now.
     
     
      Here’s
      the
      clincher
      --
     
     
      while
      causing
      UPEI
      students
     
     
      and
      statt.
      to
      pay:
      for
     
     
      parking,
      the
     
     
      government
      knew
      that
      people
     
     
      would
      disapprove
      and
      leave
     
     
      their
      cars.
      at
      home
      an
     
     
      walk
      to
      class.
      This
      woul
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ensure
      that
      the
      next
     
     
      generation
      of
      sports
      heroes
     
    
   
   
    
     
      will
      be
      able
      to
      make
     
     
      mMiligous.
      of
      “dollars
     
     
      pitching
      Wheaties
      in
      the
     
     
      US
      of
      A.
      There,
      now
      yo
     
     
      know
      the
      rest
      of
      the
      story.
     
     
      I
      just
      hope
      that
      my
      sourc
     
     
      in
      Ottawa
      doesn’t
      get
     
     
      blamed
      for
      this
      security
     
     
      leak,
      since
      it
     
    
   
   
    
     
      definitely
      mean
     
     
      downfall
      in
      politics.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Most
      people
      think
     
     
      there’s
      only
      one
      way
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You’d
      be
      surprised
      at
      what
      26
      letters
     
     
      can
      do
      for
      people
      in
      developing
      countries.
     
     
      They
      can
      mean
      food
      security,
      good
      health
      and
     
     
      job
      opportunities
      because
      they
      can
      provide
     
     
      knowledge
      and
      skills
      through
      education.
     
    
   
   
    
     
        
     
    
   
   
    
     
      To
      make
      a
      donation,
      or
      for
      more
      information,
     
     
      call
      1-800-661-CODE.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CODE
     
     
      Self-sufficiency
      through
      literacy
      in
      the
      developing
      world.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      September
      19,
      1995