Sa
      i
     
    
   
   
    
     
      A
      Student
      Union
      Production
     
     
      Kent
      J.
      Bruyneel
     
     
      SCRA
      TC
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Richard
      T.
      Haines
     
     
      WEED
      Cg
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Heather
      E.
      Christie
     
     
      eT
      Te
      RSC)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      SCE
     
     
      Production
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sarah
      K.
      Murphy
     
     
      News
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ee
     
     
      A&E
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UCM
      ET
     
     
      Sports
      Editor
     
    
   
   
    
     
      BTEC
      ee
      eT
     
     
      Circulation
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Danica
      Jackson
     
     
      Photographer
     
    
   
   
    
     
      UT
     
     
      PUTO
      URED
      Cg
     
    
   
   
    
     
      He
     
     
      Bre
      eae
     
     
      Ceti)
      ||
     
     
      Stephan
      McQuaid
     
     
      David
      MacDonald
     
     
      Kelly
      Mason
     
     
      irae
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CTA
      TACT
     
     
      Stephan
      Macleod
     
     
      TC
     
    

    
     
      eC
      Tet
      CT)
     
     
      WUT
      OTE)
     
     
      Samra
      Cad
      T
     
    
   
   
    
     
         
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
        
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      CT
      ET
      ER
      ee
      TES
      CT
     
     
      RUST
      a
     
     
      PUTTS
      RT
      eT
      Te
     
     
      CET
      ete
     
    

    
     
      PUTTS
      UTC
      aia
     
     
      the
      Catire
      Press
      Syndicate.
      Est.
      1969.
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      SUT
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      Cool
      |
      Love
      by
      Ladies
      Love
      Coolbreeze
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
     
     
      Coolbreeze:
     
    

    
     
      I
      don’t
      have
      a
     
     
      clue
      how
      to
     
     
      dress
      sexy.
     
     
      Whenever
      I
      see
     
     
      supermodels
     
     
      wearing
      skimpy
     
     
      outfits
      I
      think
      to
     
     
      myself,
      “Gee,
     
     
      none
      of
      my
     
     
      clothes
      look
      like
     
     
      that.”
      How
      can
      I
     
     
      change
      my
      ward-
     
     
      robe
      into
      one
      that
     
     
      will
      make
      men
     
     
      drool
      over
      me?
     
     
      Velvet
      Pants
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Vicky
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Vicky:
     
     
      If
      you
      think
      sexy,
     
     
      you
      will
      look
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sexy.
      So
      you
     
     
      don’t
      have
      to
     
     
      alter
      the
      clothes
     
     
      you
      are
      wearing
     
     
      now.
      Just
      think
     
     
      about
      people
     
     
      eating
      bananas,
     
     
      or
      gerbils
      running
     
     
      in
      a
      maze.
      If
      you
     
     
      wish
      to
      keep
     
     
      your
      thoughts
     
     
      pure,
      the
      key
      to
     
     
      attracting
      drool
      is
     
     
      steak.
      Put
      a
      T-
     
     
      bone
      in
      your
     
     
      purse.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
     
     
      Coolbreeze:
     
    

    
     
      I
      have
      a
      policy
      to
     
     
      never
      date
      people
     
     
      that
      I
      work
      with,
     
     
      but
      I’ve
      been
     
     
      thinking
      of
     
     
      changing
      that
     
     
      policy.
      It’s
      not
     
     
      like
      I’m
      actually
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      going
      to
      start
     
     
      dating
      my
      co-
     
     
      workers,
      I
      rarely
     
     
      date
      anybody
     
     
      and
      I
      work
      for
     
     
      my
      family’s
     
     
      convenience
     
     
      store
      sol’m
     
     
      related
      to
      every-
     
     
      one
      that
      works
     
     
      there.
      Should
      I
     
     
      change
      my
     
     
      policy?
     
    

    
     
      Dirk
      the
      Clerk
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Dirk:
     
     
      I’m
      against
      dat-
     
     
      ing
      co-workers
     
    
   
   
    
     
      for
      three
      reasons.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      First
      of
      all,
      you
     
     
      can’t
      discuss
     
     
      their
      quirky
      hab-
     
     
      its
      with
      people
     
     
      you
      work
      with
     
     
      because
      they
     
     
      won’t
      appreciate
     
     
      how
      funny
      their
     
     
      bathroom
      habits
     
     
      really
      are.
      Sec-
     
     
      ondly,
      they
      will
     
     
      know
      you’re
     
     
      cheating
      on
      them
     
     
      when
      you
      lie
     
     
      about
      having
      to
     
     
      stay
      late
      at
      work.
     
     
      I
      won’t
      tell
      you
     
     
      the
      third
      reason
     
     
      because
      of
      a
     
     
      court
      order
      that
     
     
      forces
      me
      not
      to
     
     
      discuss
      the
      mat-
     
     
      ter.
      Oh
      to
      hell
     
     
      with
      it,
      if
      you
      are
     
     
      going
      to
      date
      a
     
     
      co-worker,
      make
     
     
      sure
      they
      don’t
     
     
      talk
      to
      hand
     
    
   
   
    
     
      puppets.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
     
     
      Coolbreeze:
     
     
      My
      girlfriend
     
    
   
   
    
     
      asked
      me
      to
      take
     
     
      an
      STD
      test
     
     
      before
      we
      had
     
     
      sex,
      but
      it
     
     
      seemed
      strange.
     
     
      There
      were
      lots
     
     
      of
      other
      people
     
     
      in
      the
      room
      and
     
     
      all
      of
      the
      ques-
     
     
      tions
      on
      the
      test
     
     
      were
      about
      math-
     
     
      ematics.
      It
      didn’t
     
     
      seem
      to
      have
     
     
      anything
      to
      do
     
     
      with
      STD’s.
      I’m
     
     
      worried
      because
     
     
      I
      got
      the
      test
     
     
      back
      and
      I
      only
     
     
      got
      a
      58.1
     
     
      passed
      it,
      but
      I
     
     
      want
      to
      study
     
     
      before
      taking
      it
     
     
      next
      time
      to
      see
      if
     
     
      T
      can
      do
      better.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Wayne
      “The
     
     
      pull-out-couch”
     
     
      Muffins
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Wayne:
     
     
      You
      idiot,
      you
     
     
      took
      an
      econom-
     
     
      ics
      test,
      not
      an
     
     
      STD
      test.
      You
     
     
      must
      have
      went
     
     
      in
      the
      wrong
     
     
      room
      or
      some-
     
     
      thing.
      In
      the
     
     
      future
      remember
     
     
      that
      an
      econom-
     
     
      ics
      test
      has
      math
     
     
      questions
      on
      it,
     
     
      an
      STD
      test
      has
     
     
      questions
      about
     
     
      zookeepers
      and
     
     
      requires
      you
      to
     
     
      pee
      in
      a
      cup.
      I
     
     
      should
      warn
      you
     
     
      that
      this
      is
      similar
     
     
      to
      an
      engineering
     
     
      exam,
      except
      you
     
     
      don’t
      have
      to
      be
     
     
      spanked
      by
      a
     
     
      man
      in
      a
      lab
     
    
   
   
    
     
      coat.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
     
     
      Coolbreeze:
     
    

    
     
      I
      feel
      like
      I’m
     
     
      different.
      Every
     
     
      time
      I
      watch
      a
     
     
      movie
      with
     
     
      nudity
      in
      it,
      I
     
     
      find
      myself
     
     
      excited.
      If
      I
     
     
      even
      glimpse
      a
     
     
      nipple
      or
      a
     
     
      scrotum
      I
      find
     
     
      my
      heartbeat
     
     
      speeds
      up
      and
      I
     
     
      start
      to
      sweat.
      Is
     
     
      this
      reaction
     
     
      normal
      for
      a
     
     
      sixteen-year-old
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~
      boy?
      Or
      do
      I
     
    
   
   
    
     
      need
      help?
     
     
      Billy
      Red
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Slacks
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Dear
      Billy:
     
     
      The
      human
     
     
      body
      is
      some-
     
     
      thing
      you
      should
     
     
      be
      ashamed
      of.
     
     
      The
      way
      you
      are
     
     
      reacting
      to
      na-
     
     
      ked
      bodies
      is
     
     
      unnatural,
      un-
     
     
      healthy,
      and
      has
     
     
      the
      potential
      to
     
     
      traumatize
      you
     
     
      for
      the
      rest
      of
     
     
      your
      life.
      You
     
     
      need
      help
     
     
      quickly.
      The
     
     
      next
      time
      you
     
     
      are
      excited
      by
     
     
      boobies,
      put
      a
     
     
      boiling
      hot
     
     
      teabag
      down
     
     
      your
      slacks
      and
     
     
      scream
      out,
     
     
      “God
      made
      us
     
     
      naked
      so
      we
     
     
      could
      wear
      nice
     
    
   
   
    
     
      clothes.”
      GT
     
    
   
   
    
     
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      Otem
      gaa
      omele