ALL
      YUPPIES
      MUST
      DIE.
      THATI
      IS
      JUST
     
     
      a
      little,
      unnecessary
      generational
     
     
      humour
      to
      force
      me
      back
      into
      the
     
     
      position
      ofan
      X-Press
      columnist.
      |
      beg
     
    
   
   
    
     
      forgiveness
      from
      all
      Thirteeners,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      slackers,
      gen
      x’ers,
      twentysomethings
     
     
      and
      all
      others
      finding
      themselves
      in
      this
     
     
      so-called
      lost
      generation.
      The
      reason
     
     
      |
      ask
      for
      your
      mercy
      is
      due
      to
      the
      fact
     
     
      that
      my
      weekly
      lamentations
      have
      been
     
     
      absent
      for
      a
      considerable
      number
      of
     
     
      issues.
      |
      do
      apologize,
      for
      |
      am
      truly
     
     
      sorry.
      |
      just
      want
      to
      put
      the
      masses
      at
     
     
      ease
      with
      my
      return.
      |
      have
      had
      many
     
    
   
   
    
     
      by
      s.
     
     
      livingstone
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      sleepless
      night
     
    

    
     
      trying
      to
      come
      up
     
    

    
     
      with
      an
      excuse
      to
      explain
      my
      absence,
     
     
      but
      |
      really
      do
      not
      have
      one
      carrying
      a
     
     
      gram
      (metric)
      of
      impressive
      or
     
     
      believable
      proportions.
      |
      have
      decided
     
     
      that
      we
      will
      just
      block
      the
      memory
      of
     
     
      recent
      issues
      of
      the
      X-Press
      from
      our
     
     
      collective
      consciousness
      and
      continue
     
     
      with
      present
      events.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      My
      main
      concern
      today
      is
      one
      |
     
     
      share
      with
      many
      other
      students
      on
      this
     
     
      campus,
      and
      that
      is
      the
      plight
      of
     
     
      electronic
      mail.
      E-mail
      usage
      on
      this
     
     
      campus
      is
      out
      of
      control,
      and
      someday,
     
     
      |
      predict
      with
      confidence,
      a
      usually
     
     
      complacent
      senior
      is
      going
      to
      fall
      over
     
    
   
   
    
     
      the
      edge
      and
      terrorize
      a
      group
      of
     
     
      giggling,
      unsuspecting
      e-mail
      users.
      |
     
     
      will
      admit
      that
      electronic
      mail
      has
      great
     
     
      advantages,
      and
      do
      not
      expect
      the
     
     
      university
      to
      shut
      UPEl’s
      gates
      to
      the
     
     
      electronic
      superhighway
      that
      everyone
     
     
      claims
      is
      fast
      approaching;
      however,
     
     
      the
      students
      of
      this
      university
      have
     
     
      been
      blessed
      with
      this
      service
      for
     
     
      academic
      purposes,
      and
      not
      as
      a
      free
     
     
      service
      to
      write
      one-liners
      to
      people
     
     
      who
      are
      sitting
      in
      the
      same
      computer
     
     
      lab.
      |
      am
      sure
      we
      have
      all
      heard
      many
     
     
      times
      someone
      shouting
      across
      the
     
     
      room
      to
      another
      student
      to
      ask,
      “Like,
     
     
      did
      you
      get
      that
      last
      note?”.
      This
      is
      not
     
     
      necessary.
      Please
      leave
      the
      room,
      go
     
     
      to
      the
      Pit,
      and
      finish
      your
      unintelligent
     
     
      chat
      session,
      for
      other
      students
     
     
      labouring
      over
      term
      papers
      are
      tired
      of
     
     
      listening
      to
      you.
     
    

    
     
      The
      abuse
      of
      this
      service
      has
     
     
      reached
      the
      point
      where
      one
      can
      no
     
     
      longer
      find
      a
      computer
      on
      campus
      that
     
     
      is
      free
      for
      academic
      purposes.
      The
     
     
      University
      of
      Prince
      Edward
      Island
      is
     
     
      situated
      on
      a
      very
      small
      campus.
      |
     
     
      cannot
      understand
      -
      and
      |
      have
      tried
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Computer
      Services?
      An
      e-mail
     
     
      update...at
      present,
      all
      five
      students
      in
     
     
      this
      lab
      (Main
      Bldg.)
      are
      using
      e-mail.
      A
     
     
      sad
      commentary
      on
      the
      social
      climate
     
     
      at
      UPEI.
      These
      students
      cannot
      even
     
     
      plan
      to
      meet
      their
      friends
      on
      campus.
     
     
      They
      must
      instead
      rely
      on
      making
     
     
      comment
      through
      the
      e-mail
      system.
     
     
      The
      sheer
      size
      of
      this
      campus
      explains
     
     
      everything.
      Where
      would
      one
      even
     
     
      begin
      to
      finda
      familiar
      face?
      There
     
     
      are
      solutions
      to
      this
      overwhelming
     
     
      problem
      that
      is
      beginning
      to
      plague
      the
     
     
      university.
      First
      of
      all,
      restrict
      the
     
     
      amount
      of
      time
      students
      could
      access
     
     
      this
      service
      at
      a
      time.
      Second
      of
      all,
     
     
      limit
      access
      to.
      select
      computers,
      such
     
     
      as
      those
      located
      on
      the
      ends
      of
      the
     
     
      aisles
      (this
      is
      practised
      successfully
      at
     
     
      Mt.
      Allison).
      A
      number
      of
      upper
     
     
      classmen
      are
      also
      discussing
      the
      idea
      of
     
     
      revoking
      the
      freshmen
      class’s
      e-mail
     
     
      privileges.
      As
      a
      frosh,
      |
      did
      not
      have
     
     
      access,
      and
      |
      did
      not
      suffer
      greatly.
      The
     
     
      fewer
      computers
      through
      which
      this
     
     
      service
      is
      accessible,
      the
      greater
      the
     
     
      number
      that
      can
      be
      accessed
      for
     
     
      academic
      purposes.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      sitting
      there
      for
      the
      past
      two
      hours
     
     
      “playing”
      with
      electronic
      mail.
     
    

    
     
      As
      |
      bring
      this
      column
      of
      protest
      to
     
     
      an
      end
      |
      implore
      you
      to
      take
      your
     
     
      complaints
      concerning
      the
      misuse
      of
     
     
      the
      electronic
      mail
      service
      to
      computer
     
     
      services
      located
      at
      the
      AVC.
      For
      those
     
     
      of
      you
      who
      have
      become
      the
      subject
      of
     
     
      this
      week's
      snivelling,
      |
      am
      asking
      you
     
     
      to
      add
      a
      smidgen
      of
      compassion
      to
     
     
      your
      character
      and
      keep
      your
      personal
     
     
      e-mail
      time
      toa
      minimum.
      Maybe
      with
     
     
      such
      cooperation
      and
      understanding
      (I
     
     
      am
      beginning
      to
      sound
      like
      a
      Sesame
     
     
      Street
      actor),
      we
      can
      save
      ourselves
     
     
      from
      the
      depths
      of
      e-mail
      addiction
     
     
      and
      a
      very
      hostile
      upper
      classman.
     
    

    
     
      My
      complaints
      are
      drawing
      to
      a
     
     
      close,
      but
      before
      shutting
      down
      the
     
     
      computer
      I
      had
      to
      fight
      for,
      |
      would
      like
     
     
      to
      bring
      one
      more
      instance
      of
      stupidity
     
     
      on
      our
      campus
      to
      your
      attention.
      If
     
     
      you
      have
      yet
      to
      be
      told,
      the
      students
     
     
      and
      faculty
      of
      Main
      Bldg.
      were
     
     
      interrupted
      with
      a
      bomb
      threat
      last
     
     
      week.
      Why?
      Is
      this
      the
      work
      of
      a
     
     
      disgruntled
      student
      who
      could
      not
     
     
      devise
      a
      better
      scheme
      to
      explain
      his
     
    
   
   
    
     
      trials
      and
     
     
      tribulations
      ofa
     
     
      twentysomething
     
    
   
   
    
     
      why
      people
      cannot
      just
      agree
      to
      meet
     
     
      in
      person.
      Is
      staring
      blankly
      at
      a
     
     
      computer
      screen
      more
      interesting
      than
     
     
      looking
      at
      one
      of
      your
      friends?
      Surely
     
     
      your
      friends
      cannot
      be
      that
     
     
      unattractive.
      What
      would
      you
      do
      if
     
     
      suddenly
      this
      service
      was
      abolished?
     
     
      Would
      you
      suffer
      a
      mild
      breakdown?
     
     
      Find
      ahobby?
      I
      know,
      it
      is
      a
      difficult
      and
     
     
      frightening
      scenario
      to
      imagine.
     
    

    
     
      |
      have
      spoken
      with
      colleagues
      from
     
     
      other
      universities
      in
      the
      Maritimes,
     
     
      and
      have
      been
      informed
      that
      at
      some
     
     
      schools
      only
      selected
      computers
      have
     
     
      access
      to
      electronic
      mail.
      What
      a
     
     
      novel
      idea.
      Are
      you
      reading
      this
     
    
   
   
    
     
      lam
      not
      going
      to
      mislead
      you.
      As
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ~ajournalist,
      that
      is
      not
      my
      job
      -
      itis
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      job
      of
      those
      at
      the
      Guardian/Patriot
     
     
      (unwarranted
      attack
      on
      city
     
     
      newspapers).
      |
      am
      not
      going
      to
      tell
      you
     
     
      |
      have
      never
      used
      e-mail.
      It
      is
      a
      service
     
     
      we
      all
      pay
      for
      in
      student
      fees.
      |
      do,
     
     
      however,
      try
      to
      use
      it
      when
      the
      labs
     
     
      are
      not
      overrun
      with
      other
      students,
     
     
      and
      |
      donot
      write
      messages
      to
      someone
     
     
      sitting
      across
      the
      room.
      |
      ask
      you
      to
     
     
      please
      consider
      the
      idea
      that
      there
      are
     
     
      students
      attending
      this
      university
      who
     
     
      are
      not
      paying
      $3000
      a
      year
      to
      stand
      in
     
     
      line
      waiting
      for
      a
      computer
      that
      is
      being
     
     
      held
      up
      by
      someone
      who
      has
      been
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      or
      her
      absence
      in
      afternoon
      classes?
      |
     
     
      was
      given
      the
      thrill
      of
      missing
      two
     
     
      classes
      that
      afternoon,
      but
      ona
      brutally
     
     
      cold
      winter’s
      day,
      it
      became
      an
     
     
      inconvenience,
      not
      an
      adventure.
      The
     
     
      person
      who
      delivered
      this
      well-
     
     
      contrived
      threat
      to
      Main
      Bldg.
      has
      too
     
     
      much
      time
      on
      his
      hands
      and
      definitely
     
     
      needs
      a_
      hobby.
      Maybe
      the
     
     
      administration
      could
      have
      arts
      and
      crafts
     
     
      available
      for
      such
      students.
     
    

    
     
      lam
      going
      to
      stop
      now,
      and
      |
      will
     
     
      attempt
      to
      have
      some
      less
      hostility-
     
     
      induced
      reporting
      for
      the
      next
      issue.