Fact
      &
      Opinion
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      first
      zoo
      in
     
     
      the
      USA
      was
      in
     
     
      Philadelphia.
     
     
      OPINION:
      In
      West
     
     
      Philadelphia,
      born
     
     
      and
      raised.
      In
      the
      zoo
     
     
      was
      where
      I
      spent
     
     
      most
      of
      my
      days.
     
     
      Chillin’
      out,
      maxin’,
     
     
      relaxin’,
      or
      coolin’,
      or
     
     
      shootin’
      some
      b-ball
     
     
      outside
      of
      the
      zoo.
     
     
      When
      acouple
      of
     
     
      guys,
      they
      were
      up
      to
     
     
      no
      good,
      started
     
     
      making
      trouble
      in
      my
     
     
      neighborhood.
      I
      got
     
     
      in
      one
      little
      fight
      and
     
     
      my
      mom
      got
      scared.
     
     
      She
      said,
      “You’re
     
     
      moving
      with
      your
     
     
      auntie
      and
      uncle
      in
     
     
      Bel-Air.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      letter
      N
     
     
      ends
      all
      Japanese
     
     
      words
      not
      ending
      ina
     
     
      vowel.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Pokemon
     
     
      wouldn’t
      be
      very
     
     
      popular
      ifit
      was
     
     
      known
      as
      Poke
      Mo.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      France
      has
      the
     
     
      highest
      per
      capita
     
     
      consumption
      of
     
     
      cheese.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      Montreal’s
     
     
      “Just
      for
      Laughs”
     
     
      festival
      has
      the
     
     
      second
      highest
     
     
      consumption
      of
     
     
      cheese
      by
      French
     
    
   
   
    
     
      people.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FAGT:
      The
      hardest
     
     
      bone
      in
      the
      human
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      Stephan
      MacLeod
     
    
   
   
    
     
      body
      is
      the
      jawbone.
     
     
      OPINION:
      That’s
     
     
      good
      to
      know
      if
      you
     
     
      don’t
      have
      a
      hammer
     
     
      and
      you
      need
      to
      use
     
     
      a
      part
      of
      your
      face
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      naila
      poster
      ona
     
     
      wall.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      4000
      people
     
     
      are
      injured
      by
      teapots
     
     
      each
      year.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Teapots
     
     
      don’
      tkill
      people.
     
     
      Stupid
      fuckers
      that
     
     
      don’t
      know
      how
      to
     
     
      make
      tea
      kill
      people.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      typical
     
     
      American
      consumes
     
     
      27
      pounds
      of
      cheese
     
     
      each
      year.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      OPINION:
      But
     
     
      nobody
      knows
      where
     
    
   
   
    
     
      it
      all
      comes
      from.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      shortest
     
     
      English
      word
      that
     
     
      contains
      the
      letters
      A,
     
     
      B,
      C,
      D,
      E,
      and
      F
      is
     
     
      feedback.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      I
      once
     
     
      asked
      a
      professor
      for
     
     
      feedback
      onan
     
     
      assignment
      and
      she
     
     
      made
      me
      listen
      toa
     
     
      Sonic
      Youth
      CD.
      I
     
     
      don’t
      know
      what
      that
     
     
      means.
      I
      probably
     
     
      shouldn’tcomment
     
     
      on
      how
      shitty
      my
     
     
      opinions
      are.
      I’m
     
     
      doing
      it
      again,
      aren’t
     
     
      I?
      Sweet
      fuck!
      This
      is
     
     
      almost
      as
      bad
      as
      the
     
     
      time
      I
      wrote
      out
      the
     
     
      lyrics
      for
      the
      Fresh
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Prince
      of
      Bel
      Air.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      ostrich
      has
     
     
      a46
      foot
      long
      small
     
     
      intestine.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Wow.
      If
     
     
      that’s
      its
      small
     
     
      intestine,
      it
      must
      have
     
     
      ahuge
      large
      intestine.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      large
     
     
      intestine
      is
      pretty
     
     
      damn
      big.
     
    

    
     
      OPINION:
      Oh
      Jesus.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      How
      big
      are
      its
      eggs?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      I
      don’t
      know.
      I
     
     
      didn’t
      notice
      any
      eggs
     
     
      when
      I
      ran
      over
      it
     
     
      with
      my
      car.
     
     
      OPINION:
      Poor
      guy.
     
     
      Why’
      d
      the
      ostrich
     
     
      cross
      the
      road?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      Stop
      it.
      You’re
     
     
      not
      supposed
      to
      talk
     
     
      to
      me.
      Just
      keep
     
     
      writing,
      and
      please
     
     
      try
      not
      to
      quote
      The
     
     
      Fresh
      Prince
      of
      Bel
     
     
      Airanymore.
      That
     
     
      was
      really
      stupid.
     
     
      OPINION:
      That’s
      just
     
     
      your
      opinion.
      I
      bet
     
     
      there
      are
      some
      losers
     
     
      reading
      this
      rightnow
     
     
      that
      thought
      it
      was
     
     
      clever.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FACT:
      The
      only
      reason
     
     
      you
      wrote
      it
      is
     
     
      because
      you’re
     
     
      running
      out
      of
     
     
      material.
      When
      you
     
     
      can’t
      think
      of
     
     
      something
      funny
      to
     
    
   
   
    
     
      say,
      you
      curse,
      tell
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      continued
      on
     
     
      page
      22
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ot
      vedi
      vet
      Cobar
      apectafs
      °
      Tht
      spected
      manfinbe
      for
     
     
      pete
      ;
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ee
      aid
      Spee
      ed
      a
      er
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eae,
     
     
      pik
      ap
      orcore
     
    
   
   
    
     
      =
     
     
      for