Good
      idea.
      You
      write
      much
      better
      than
      I.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ido.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      know
      despite
      all
      my
      posturing
      I
      have
     
     
      such
      awe
      for
      your
      work.
      I
      am
      incredibly
     
     
      jealous.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      There,
      there.
      Stop
      crying.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Okay
      wait,
      this
      is
      actually
      me
      now.
      The
     
     
      Editor.
      100%.
      (0)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Good
      to
      have
      you
      back.
      I
      want
      to
      list
      off
     
     
      some
      things
      about
      my
      column
      Seat
      Sale.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Jesus,
      no,
      we
      are
      here
      to
      introduce
      the
      issue
     
     
      at
      hand.
      The
      one
      I
      put
      all
      the
      goddam
     
     
      work
      into.
      All
      those
      people
      up
      there,
      the
     
     
      one’s
      I
      said
      I
      love,
      they
      didn’t
      do
      shit.
      All
     
     
      me.
      Yeah.
      It
      just
      hit
      me,
      this
      thing
      we
      are
     
     
      doing
      here,
      its
      like
      a
      play.
      We
      should
      read
     
     
      it
      to
      people,
      we
      should
      have
      a
      reading
      of
      all
     
     
      this
      work.
      Maybe
      we
      will.
      Get
      Eyes
      For
     
     
      Telescopes(1)
      to
      play.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      But,
      this
      issue,
      the
      one
      you
      [the
      reader]
      are
     
     
      holding
      in
      your
      hands,
      reminds
      me
      of
      an
     
    
   
   
    
     
      idea
      I
      had
      all
      of
      the
      time
      I
      was
      here.
      Onel
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      was
      never
      brave
      enough
      to
      actually
      do.
     
     
      What
      about
      Seat
      Sale?
      Travel
      cuts?
      Huh?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Jesus,
      this
      paper
      is
      doomed.
      Anyway
      the
     
     
      idea
      was
      that
      I
      would
      get
      every
      person
      on
     
     
      campus
      to
      write
      one
      paragraph
      on
      the
      sub-
     
     
      ject
      of
      their
      choosing.
      Publish
      them
      all.
      So
     
     
      that
      every
      person-the
      janitors,
      the
      security
     
     
      people,
      the
      woman
      who
      puts
      "Trash
      the
     
     
      Cadre"
      signs
      on
      the
      walls-could
      say
      one
     
     
      clear
      thing.
      Could
      be
      heard.
      What
      I
      want-
     
     
      ed
      most
      of
      all
      was
      for
      the
      campus
      to
      all
     
     
      pick
      up
      the
      paper
      and
      read
      their
      own
     
     
      words,
      in
      their
      own
      publication.
     
     
      Community.
      Yeah,
      yeah.
      You
      know
      what
      I
     
     
      really
      wanted
      to
      do
      in
      this
      introduction
     
     
      spectacular
      was
      to
      chart
      out
      expected
     
     
      enjoyment
      of
      this
      issue.
      Tell
      you
      which
     
     
      poems
      were
      good
      and
      which
      ones
      were
      bad.
     
     
      Point
      fingers,
      name
      names.
      Reveal
      savage
     
     
      plots
      against
      us
      all.
      And
      go
      on
      and
      on.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Hey
      why
      don’t
      you,
      I’d
      love
      to
      hear
      it.
     
     
      Everything
      you
      say
      is
      art.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Nah,
      how’s
      about
      you
      and
      I
      just
      make
      a
     
     
      list.
      A
      list
      you
      post-modern,
      its-all-in-the-
     
     
      title
      word-pimp.
      Maybe
      a
      line
      would
      help.
     
     
      Separate
      off
      this
      back
      and
      forth
      from
      the
     
     
      serious
      introduction
      to
      feliwe
      follow.
      I
      will
     
     
      present
      three
      choices.
      You
      may
      choose
      the
     
     
      line
      you
      prefer:
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Now
      you
      just
      have
      to
      choose
      which
      line
      you
     
     
      perfer
      prefer.
      (Damn.
      I
      say
      instead
      of
      a
     
     
      spell
      checker
      we
      just
      cross
      out
      the
      mis-
     
     
      takes.(2)
      Let
      everyone
      see
      the
      staggering
     
     
      amount
      of
      errors
      one
      makes
      during
      this
     
     
      process.
      Break
      the
      fourth
      wall.
      Hey
      Jeff,
     
     
      you
      call
      it
      the
      fourth
      wall
      right?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ah..yes,
      Jesus
      don't
      you
      know
      anything.
     
     
      I
      though
      the
      back
      and
      forth
      was
      dead.
      (3)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      It
      is,
      but
      only
      with
      you,
      I
      am
      talking
      to
      Jeff
     
     
      now.)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Now,
      let
      me
      make
      that
      introductory
      list.
      Is
      that
     
     
      what
      you
      want
      sir?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Yes.
      Here
      is
      the
      line
      indicating
      a
      shift
      in
     
     
      tone,
      format,
      and
      subject
      matter.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      would
      prefer
      the
      second
      line.
     
     
      Okay,
      hey
      is
      that
      Jeff
      now?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Just
      me
      now.
      That's
      the
      way
      it
      feels
      some-
     
     
      times.
      Until
      I
      remember
      all
      those
      good
      people.
     
     
      And
      it
      helps,
      of
      course,
      to
      omit
      the
      times
      when
     
     
      you
      thought
      seriously
      about
      backing
      those
     
     
      good
      people
      over
      with
      your
      car.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      don’t
      think
      your
      car
      would
      survive
      that
     
     
      kind
      of
      abuse.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Ha
      ha.
      It’s
      the
      flipside
      of
      being
      interested
      in
     
     
      people:
      wanting
      to
      smack
      them
      upside
      the
     
     
      head.
      Or
      something.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      -
      an
      interlude
      in
      which
      I
      attempt
      to
      beat
      my
     
     
      co-editorializer
      with
      a
      anti-carpal-tunnel-syn-
     
    
   
   
    
     
      drome-handrest-for-keyboards
      -
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Next
      year
      is
      looming
      large
      in
      the
      horizon
     
    
   
   
    
     
      though.
      I’m
      curious
      to
      see
      what
      it
      looks
      like
     
     
      from
      the
      vantage
      point
      of
      the
      throne
      of
      the
     
     
      Editor.
      To
      see
      for
      those
      many
      miles
      and
      survey
     
     
      the
      landscape
      as
      it
      dissolves
      into
      the
      image
      of
     
     
      a
      Risk
      board.
      And
      I
      own
      it
      all!
      All
      of
      it!
      You
     
     
      hear
      me?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      I
      am
      going
      to
      miss
      The
      Cadre.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      You
      told
      me
      less
      than
      two
      months
      ago
      that
      you
     
     
      "hated
      The
      Cadre"?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Yes,
      but,
      really
      it
      wasn't
      the
      band
      I
      hated,
      it
     
     
      was
      their
      fans.
      Where
      they
      played.
      The
     
     
      league.
      Plus
      I
      was
      feeling
      old
      and
      slow.
     
     
      Man
      we
      should
      really
      get
      to
      introducing
      the
     
     
      thing.
      it
      would
      be
      so
      predictable,
      so
     
     
      McSweeeney’s-esque
      of
      us,
      not
      to
      actually
     
     
      introduce
      it.
      To
      do
      an
      anti-introduction
     
     
      would
      be
      so
      lame.
      Think
      of
      what
      Mike
     
     
      would
      say.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      So
      now
      you
      are
      going
      to
      miss
      The
      Cadre?
     
     
      Yeah,
      but
      the
      introduction!
     
    

    
     
      Only
      one
      more
      issue
      left.
     
    

    
     
      Yes,
      but...
     
    

    
     
      Been
      nice?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Yeah,
      real
      nice.
      All
      my
      good
      people.
      (4)
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (0)
      I
      have
      never
      seen
      the
      Editor
      more
      than
     
     
      85%
      present
      in
      any
      time
      or
      place.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (1)
      The
      ubiquitous
      Eyes
      For
      Telescopes
     
     
      promo.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (2)
      This
      process
      has
      been
      implemented
     
     
      retroactively.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (3)
      You
      probably
      don’t
      know
      which
      voice
      is
     
     
      speaking,
      do
      you?
      Ha
      ha.
      Try
      and
      follow
      us
     
     
      into
      these
      indulgent
      depths
      with
      your
      unsure,
     
     
      clumsy
      feet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      (4)
      I
      can’t
      believe
      my
      last
      line
      didn't
      make
     
     
      it.
      Matthew
      had
      to
      have
      his
      GD
      footnotes.
     
     
      No
      matter,
      I
      am
      still
      The
      Editor
      for
      a
      week
     
     
      or
      so,
      so
      my
      last
      words
      stand:
      Quoth
      the
      |
     
     
      Raven,
      ’
      Yeah,
      real
      nice.’