.Psycholltf‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
     Hee! Hee! Hee! Ha! Ha! Hal, Haaaaa  _ 
     
     Welcome once again to my weekly column. Schitzee 
     
     (S-K-I-T-Z-E-E) is the name and psychopathology is the game. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Ha ha ha ha haaaaaa. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Psychopathology means don’t look before you leap —— in 
     
     other words, it’s one who follows someone else’s nutty life- 
     
    
   
   
    
     style. 
     
    
   
   
    
     I believe I was talking last week about how I invented tho  
     
    
   
   
    
     tho  — t + X = T  Burrrp 
     
     ... those little monsters. 
     
    
   
   
    
      I just had a fit of indigestion 
     
    
   
   
    
     Rumour has it or I take it thateveryone knows that beavers 
     
     use their tails to slap the water in the event of danger, right? 
     
    
   
   
    
     WRONG! 
     
     Those . .. 
     
    
   
   
    
     slim devils use their tails as a built—in counter- 
     
    
   
   
    
     weight balance so that they can stagger home in a straight line. 
     
     And not only that, but when the beaver gets home, he or she 
     
     has a party and used the tail as a serving tray for beer. 
     
     Sigh. How they have e volved. _ 
     
     You have to watch it when one of tho  tho  (sigh of 
     
    
   
   
    
     relief) those little runts goes schizoid. 
     
    
   
   
    
     uncontrollable fits. 
     
    
   
   
    
     If you’re standing near one and it goes schizoid, LOOK _ 
     
    
   
   
    
     OUT. ' 
     
    
   
   
    
     (Schizoid means 
     
    
   
   
    
     It rolls around your feet in somersaults and at the same 
     
     time grunts and snorts some kind of Pig Latin. 
     
    

    
     Then without warning the little monster jumps your head 
     
     height ,(how low can you get), twists its body, and swings its 
     
     tail — SMACK — right across the face. 
     
    
   
   
    
     After regaining conscious- 
     
     ness, if your shoes are still 
     
     intact, you are in no imme- 
     
     diate danger. . 
     
    

    
     But,  if you are wearing 
     
     running shoes, BEWARE! 
     
     The little runt goes snaky 
     
     when it smells the foot fetish 
     
     aroma of rubber. 
     
    

    
     The Arbian Skunk (my pet 
     
    

    
     name) literally gnaws th_e 
     
     sweaty rubber soles off your 
     
     feet. 
     
     . Not only that, but it will 
     
     put the rubber shavings under 
     
     its pillow at night for good 
     
     luck. 
     
    

    
     I’m not superstitious, they 
     
    
   
   
    
     t 
     
    
   
   
    
     are. 
     
    

    
     When you are sprinting 
     
     away whatever footwear you 
     
     have left, the little monster 
     
    
   
   
    
     will sit back on its tail and. 
     
    
   
   
    
     cry like a big baby, saying 
     
     that it wants to play some 
     
     more. 
     
    

    
     Isn’t that a sign of Frued’s 
     
     regressional‘state?? 
     
    

    
     Correct me if I’m wrong; 
     
     hah hah hah. - 
     
    

    
     Next week I will tell you 
     
     how this li  lit  litt  
     
     =TI§@IX!!! ' little in— 
     
     famous runt got on the 
     
     famous 5. cent piece. 
     
    

    
     Patriotic or what! 
     
    
   
   
    
     Child suffers 
     
     from name 
     
    
   
   
    
     By Derrick Webber 
     
    
   
   
    
     Once apon a time, long. 
     
     long ago, there was a little 
     
     girl named ‘Get me the He‘.‘ 
     
     out ofthis’. 
     
    

    
     Now, she was the first to 
     
     admit that her name was a bit 
     
     unusual but Get Me The Hell 
     
     Out Of This liked it and 
     
     didn’t want it changed at all. 
     
    

    
     Admittedly she was a bit 
     
     strange. 
     
    

    
     She owed her strange name 
     
     to her father, Get Me The 
     
    
   
   
    
     (who was of SlaVlC descent)\ 
     
     and the family name was 
     
     simply This. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Her father married a nice 
     
     girl form a tr‘wn down the 
     
     way \\ ho was called Out (her 
     
     last n me was Andabout but 
     
     I’ll st3cr clear of thaf story) 
     
     and their first child they 
     
     decided they‘d name after the 
     
     fathe regs Liess ofsex. 
     
    

    
     And so it ‘« as that Get Me 
     
     The Hell Out Of This was 
     
     named. The part ‘Hell Out 
     
     Of’ is her middle name, in 
     
     honour of a great grand- 
     
     mother on Lhe' mother‘s ’side. 
     
    

    
     You can just imagine the 
     
     problems, poor Get Me The 
     
    
   
   
    
     ...r w 
     
    
   
   
    
     Hell Out Of This had in 
     
     school. On the first day the 
     
     teacher made everyone say 
     
     their name out loud to the 
     
     class and when it got to be 
     
     our heroine’s turn the teacher 
     
     made Get Me The‘Hell Out 
     
     Of This stand in the corner 
     
     for saying such filth. ‘ 
     
    

    
     The problems continued as 
     
     she grew up. Whenever Get 
     
     Me The Hell Out Of This 
     
     introduced herself the 
     
     immediate reply was 
     
     “What?”. Either she- was 
     
     always misunderstood or 
     
     people wer asking her what 
     
     she wanted to get out of. 
     
    

    
     it was a very hard life. 
     
    

    
     Now, when you think 
     
     about your, life —— all the 
     
     hardships you have to face, 
     
     the problems that it seems 
     
     you were born into having, 
     
     think about poor little Get 
     
     Me The Hell Out Of This 
     
    
   
   
    
     and all the problems she had. \ 
     
    
   
   
    
     to go through 4 the \years 
     
     of pain, hardship and 
     
     suffering, and it might. just 
     
     might, if you are very lucky, 
     
     make you feel a whole lot 
     
     worse. 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
      g ins-yam 
     
    
   
   
    
     Last Week’s Solution ' x ' 
     
    
   
   
    
             
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     4 
     
    
   
   
    
     Ha, ha, ha! Fooled you. None of those words were in'thel’puazle. How much dine did 
     
     you spend trying to work it out last'week? the Nutty Gem’s speciality was perverse cruelty. ‘ 
     
     Here’s the real list of words in the “Tests Have Acronyms Nowadays” Psycho Word 
     
    
   
   
    
     Search: — v , 
     
     ASPQ I CPI ~ TAT NSQ ‘ 
     
     “ 'JEPI CPQ ‘ ‘ WAIS; OLSAT' , 
     
     LIPS CTBS 'WISC PPVT 
     
     MAPS EPPS‘ WPPSI. SESAT 
     
     GATB WRIPT SVIB _ 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     MMPI 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
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     l FOR art/Mummy, 
     
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     'M’O-‘Wb A PUKFOSNE— 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
       
     
        
     
              
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
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     — page if. 4-