View From The Top is a Weekly.feature that is created 
     
     by and for the Engineering students at U.P.E.l. any 
     
     Arts students who attempt to read this page run the, 
     
    
   
   
    
     risk of having a good laugh and enjoying themselves. 
     
    
   
   
    
     IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY 
     
    
   
   
    
     Once upon a time there 
     
     was a non-conforming 
     
     sparrow who decided not 
     
     to fly south for the win- 
     
     ter. However soon the 
     
     weather turned so cold 
     
    
   
   
    
     that he reluctantly started 
     
    
   
   
    
     to fly south. In a short 
     
     time, ice began to form on 
     
     his wings and he fell to 
     
     earth in a barnyard, almost 
     
     frozen. A cow passed by 
     
     and crapped on the little 
     
     sparrow. The sparrow 
     
     thought it was the end, 
     
     but the manure warmed him 
     
     and defrosted his wings. 
     
     Warm and happy, able to 
     
     breathe, he started to 
     
     sing, Just then a large 
     
     cat came by, and hearing 
     
     the chirping, investigated 
     
     the sounds. The cat clea- 
     
     red away the manure, 
     
    

    
     found the chirping bird 
     
     and promptly ate him. 
     
    
   
   
    
     The story contains three 
     
    

    
     morals: _ 
     
    

    
     l. Everyone who shits on 
     
     you is not necessarily 
     
     your enemy. 
     
    

    
     2. Everyone who gets you 
     
     out of shit is not nec- 
     
     essarily your friend. 
     
    

    
     3. And, if you're warm 
     
    
   
   
    
     and happy in a pile of 
     
     shit, keep your mouth 
     
     shut. 
     
    
   
   
    
     BRICKING THE CAMEL 
     
    
   
   
    
     There was a nomad who went 
     
     to a camel dealer to buy a 
     
     camel.‘ This nomad had to 
     
     make a seven day trip across 
     
     the desert so he needed a 
     
     very good (i.e. expensive) 
     
     camel. The dealer promp- 
     
     tly sold him one guaranteed 
     
     to go for seven days without 
     
     water. The nomad set off 
     
    

    
     at once but.six days later 
     
     the camel died. After three- 
     
     weeks of wandering in the 
     
     desert the nomad saw the' 
     
     camel dealer and demanded 
     
     his money back since the 
     
     camel had only lasted six 
     
     days instead of the seven 
     
    

    
     it had been guaranteed for. 
     
     The dealer asked him if he 
     
     had bricked his new camel. 
     
    
   
   
    
     .“Bricked the camel?” the 
     
    
   
   
    
     nomad said. “Yes,” replied 
     
    
   
   
    
     the dealer, '”When you water 
     
     the camel he will only take 
     
     on enough water for six days. 
     
     Just as he is taking his last 
     
     sip of water you take two 
     
    
   
   
    
     ‘bricks, walk between his legs 
     
    
   
   
    
     and smash them together. 
     
    

    
     The camel goes 'Sssslllluuu4 
     
     rrrrpppp', and takes on an- 
     
     other days supply of water.” 
     
     “But doesn't that hurt?” ' 
     
     gasped the nomad. “Not if 
     
     you make certain not to catCh 
     
     your thumbs,” replied the 
     
     dealer. 
     
    
   
   
    
     i’lIllUlllI, 
     
    
   
   
    
     WW" 
     
    
   
   
    
        
     
    
   
   
    
     AESOP'S MODERN FABLES 
     
    
   
   
    
     A little dog was running 
     
    
   
   
    
     ’ across a freight yard, crosr 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     sing all the railroad tracks, 
     
    
   
   
    
     until a switch engine nipped 
     
     off the end of his tail." 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     SCIENTIFIC bIScoveRv: 
     
    
   
   
    
     The Second Year Engineers, 
     
    
   
   
    
     - have calculated'that if you 
     
    
   
   
    
     took all the steel girders 
     
    
   
   
    
     ‘ from the Duffy building and 
     
    
   
   
    
     laid them end to end in a 
     
     straight line, the building 
     
     would fall down. i 
     
    
   
   
    
     The Spare Parts Principle: 
     
     The recoverability of 
     
     small parts which'fall 
     
     from the work bench var- 
     
     ies directly with the 
     
    

    
     ' size of the part and in- 
     
     versely with its impor- 
     
     tance to the.completion 
     
     of the work underway. 
     
    
   
   
    
     “The dog yelped, spun around, The Blonde appeared at her 
     
     and when he tried to bite the door in a strapleSS even- 
     
    
   
   
    
     train, he got his head chop- 
     
     ped off. 
     
    

    
     Moral: Never lose your 
     
     head over a piece of tail. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Here is some good news and 
     
     some bad news for engineers. 
     
     FIrst the bad news, we've 
     
    
   
   
    
     vbeen invaded by martians. 
     
    
   
   
    
     Now the good news. They 
     
    
   
   
    
     eat artsies and piss beer. 
     
    
   
   
    
     BE OBSERVANT “ 
     
    
   
   
    
     A pretty young school teach- 
     
    
   
   
    
     er had been telling her class 
     
    
   
   
    
     about the value of being 
     
     observant and said, “Now 
     
    
   
   
    
     children, look at the clock; 
     
    
   
   
    
     what does the clock have” 
     
     that l have, too?“ 
     
    
   
   
    
     One girl raised her hand ‘ 
     
    
   
   
    
     and said, “It has hands.”‘ 
     
     “Splendid,” said the tea- 
     
     cher. “Now what has the 
     
     clock got that I haven't?” 
     
     After a long silence, a 
     
     boy rose and said, “You 
     
     ain't‘got no pendulum.“ 
     
    
   
   
    
     (II 
     
    
   
   
    
     with someone yo love. ©Trans-C 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
     ing gown that defied gravity. 
     
    
   
   
    
     “Terrific,” said her date. 
     
     "i don't see what holds that 
     
     dress up.” . 
     
    

    
     “Play your cards right and 
     
     you.will,” she replied. 
     
    
   
   
    
     From the Engineers Recipe 
     
    
   
   
    
     Book we are proud to present: 
     
    
   
   
    
     M 
     
    
   
   
    
     Ingredients: , 
     
    

    
     l-3 02. package ovaello 
     
     (preferably cheery) 
     
     hot water 
     
     bottle of beer 
     
    
   
   
    
     4 oz. 
     
     l—l2 oz. 
     
    
   
   
    
     (your favourite brand) 
     
    
   
   
    
     Make as per the directions 
     
    
   
   
    
     on the box, substituting the 
     
    
   
   
    
     beer for the water in the 
     
     original directions;. This 
     
    
   
   
    
     is an ideal means of obtain- 
     
     ing needed nourishment after 
     
    
   
   
    
     you‘have been out drinking 
     
    
   
   
    
     Vall afternoon" 
     
    
   
   
    
     For a special St.Ratricks 
     
     day treat we suggest that 
     
     you substitute lime jello 
     
     in place of the cherry 
     
     _jello. ” 
     
    
   
   
    
     i 
     
     ad, \I\“ v 
     
    

    
     'r II. ‘ ‘Qu'fi‘. 
     
    

    
     "14,.:5214I5II..:9,...II' 
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
       
     
    
   
   
    
        
     
    
   
   
    
     nada Telephone System ‘