12
      Ideas
     
     
      The
      Life
      of
      Brian
     
     
      by
      Brian
      Henrell
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Every
      day
      I
      see
      things
      around
      me
      that
      tend
      to
      irk
      me
      in
     
     
      some
      way.
      It
      could
      be
      an
      errant
      sea
      gull
      or
      a
      newspaper
     
     
      article.
      Today
      it
      was
      a
      stop
      light.
      Actually,
      it
      wasn’t
      just
      one
     
     
      stop
      light.
     
    

    
     
      It
      was
      seven.
     
    

    
     
      There
      are
      too
      damn
      many
      stop
      lights
      in
      Charlottetown,
     
     
      and
      they
      keep
      adding
      more!
      Look
      at
      University
      Avenue.
     
     
      There
      is
      astop
      light
      at
      the
      corner
      of
      North
      River
      Rd,
      one
      about
     
     
      five
      hundred
      feet
      from
      that,
      one
      in
      front
      of
      the
      Charlottetown
     
     
      Mall,
      one
      in
      front
      of
      the
      university,
      one
      on
      Belvedere
      Ave,
      one
     
     
      in
      front
      of
      Tim
      Horton’s,
      and
      there
      are
      four
      more
      on
      the
      way
     
     
      down
      the
      street!
     
    

    
     
      How
      is
      anyone
      supposed
      to
      get
      anywhere?
      If
      this
      trend
     
     
      keeps
      up
      they
      will
      abolish
      cars,
      and
      put
      the
      stop
      lights
      on
      the
     
     
      sidewalks.
      Can
      you
      imagine
      having
      to
      insure
      your
      running
     
     
      shoes
      for
      public
      liability
      and
      collision?
      Imean,
      most
      people
      in
     
     
      Charlottetown
      can’t
      drive,
      I’m
      sure
      they
      can
      hardly
      walk
      as
     
     
      well.
     
    

    
     
      The
      point
      is
      that
      there
      are
      too
      many
      stop
      lights.
      I
      know
     
     
      that
      there
      have
      to
      be
      some
      government
      make
      work
      projects,
     
     
      but
      find
      something
      new!
      Eventually
      you
      won’
      thave
      to
      pay
      for
     
     
      electricity,
      your
      home
      will
      be
      bathed
      in
      the
      cheery
      glow
      ofthe
     
     
      fifteen
      stop
      lights
      on
      your
      street
      alone.
      I
      waste
      more
      gas
      idling
     
     
      in
      front
      of
      one
      of
      these
      stop
      lights
      than
      I
      would
      use
      in
      the
     
     
      wholetrip.
     
    

    
     
      Sonexttime
      youare
      sitting
      in
      frontof
      your
      tenthred
      light
     
     
      in
      ten
      minutes,
      give
      in
      to
      road
      rage,
      pull
      out
      your
      semi-
     
     
      automatic
      weapon
      of
      choice,
      and
      destroy
      that
      cherry
      red
     
     
      piece
      of
      sadistic
      machinery.
     
     
      Society
      will
      thank
      you
      for
      it.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      SATURDAY
      AFTERNOONS!RG
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      The
      Cadre
      «+
      2February
      1999
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Just
      for
      laugha...
     
    
   
   
    
     
      10
      ways
      to
      annoy
      people:
     
    
   
   
    
     
      1.
      Leave
      the
      copy
      machine
      set
      to
      99
      copies,
      reduce
      200%,
      extra
      dark,
      17-inch
     
     
      paper.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      7.
      Sry
      the
      memo
      field
      of
      all
      your
      rheshe
      write
      for
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Sensua
      Massage.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      3.
      Specify
      that
      your
      drive-through
      order
      is
      “to
      go.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4.
      Insist
      on
      keeping
      your
      car
      windshield
      wipers
      running
      in
      all
      weather
      conditions
     
     
      “to
      keep
      them
      tuned
      up.”
     
    
   
   
    
     
      5.
      Reply
      to
      everything
      someone
      says
      with
      “that’s
      what
      YOU
      think.”
     
     
      6.
      Finish
      all
      your
      sentences
      with
      the
      words
      “in
      accordance
      with
      prophecy.”
     
     
      7.
      Signal
      that
      a
      conversation
      is
      over
      by
      clamping
      your
      hands
      over
      your
      ears.
     
     
      8.
      Staple
      papers
      in
      the
      middle
      of
      the
      page.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      9.
      Ask
      people
      what
      gender
      they
      are.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      10.
      While
      making
      presentations,
      occasionally
      bob
      your
      head
      like
      a
      parakeet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Register
      this
     
     
      Saturday
      for
      this
     
     
      10
      week
      winter
      course,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Prerequisites:
     
     
      Spoons
      101
     
    
   
   
    
     
      NO
      FINAL
      EXAM:
      :
     
     
      graduation
      guaranteed,
      just
      show
      up!
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Open
      to:
     
     
      Anyone
      one
      over
      19
      years
      of
      age
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      &
      mature
      students
      too!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Course
      materials:
     
     
      Bring
      your
      own
      mug.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ORES
     
    
   
   
    
     
      &
      great
      food
     
     
      specials!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      <
      SING_A_LONGS
      &
      GAMES
      2-5PM
      >
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      a
      ee
      ie
      ee
      ee
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Thriftlodge
     
     
      Trans
      Canada
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Highway,
     
     
      Charlottetown
     
    
   
   
    
     
      aia,
     
     
      RESTAURANT