The
      Cadre
      +
     
    
   
   
    
     
      6
      April
      1999
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      FEATURE
      9
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      How
      to
      (not?)
      write
      an
     
     
      essay
      on
      time
     
    
   
   
    
     
      By
      MELISSA
      DOUCETTE
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      1.
      Start
      at
      home.
      This
      way,
     
     
      you
      can
      be
      sure
      that
      you
     
     
      won't
      run
      out
      of
      paper,
     
     
      pens,
      Pepsi,
      coffee,
     
     
      munchies,
      uppers,
      or
      any-
     
     
      thing
      else
      you
      may
      need.
     
     
      The
      first
      time
      you
      try
      to
     
     
      explain
      to
      Campus
      police
     
     
      why
      you
      were
      shimmying
     
     
      in
      a
      window
      of
      Main
      at
     
     
      3:00
      AM
      after
      coming
     
     
      back
      from
      a
      Tim
      run
      will
     
     
      convince
      you
      of
      the
      wis-
     
     
      dom
      of
      this
      suggestion.
     
     
      Did
      you
      know
      that
      hand-
     
     
      cuffs
      chaff
      like
      a
      bastard?
     
    
   
   
    
     
      2.
      Avoid
      distractions.
      Sib-
     
     
      lings
      can
      always
      be
      bribed
     
     
      into
      SHUTTING
      THE
     
     
      HELL
      UP!
      with
      food
      and/
     
     
      or
      a
      movie
      (stick
      them
      in
     
     
      the
      basement,
      or
      move
      the
     
     
      VCR
      into
      their
      room).
      Par-
     
     
      ents
      can
      be
      scared
      into
     
     
      leaving
      you
      alone
      by
      men-
     
     
      tioning
      that
      in
      a
      few
      years
     
     
      YOU
      get
      to
      pick
      out
      the
     
     
      nursing
      home.
      Shady
      Pines
     
     
      or
      Whi
      —it
      all
      de-
     
     
      pends
      on
      a
      few
      hours
      of
     
    
   
   
    
     
      peace
      and
      quiet.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      3.
      Remember
      that
      the
      TV
     
     
      is
      NOT
      always
      your
      friend.
     
     
      There
      are
      just
      enough
     
     
      channels
      that
      you
      are
      prac-
     
     
      tically
      to
      find
     
     
      something
      interesting
      24
     
     
      hours
      a
      day.
      And
      let’s
      face
     
     
      it,
      when
      you
      are
      sitting
     
     
      down
      to
      write
      about
      the
     
     
      virtues
      of
      sense
      versus
      sen-
     
     
      sibility
      in
      Jane
      Austen,
      the
     
     
      freakin’
      Care
      Bears
      be-
     
     
      comes
      a
      fascinating
      explo-
     
     
      ration
      of
      your
      inner
      child.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      4.
      Have
      instrumental
      mu-
     
     
      sic
      playing
      in
      the
      back-
     
     
      ground.
      It
      helps
      to
      pass
      the
     
     
      time,
      and
      can
      even
      be
      in-
     
     
      spirational
      (the
      Braveheart
     
     
      soundtrack
      will
      whip
      your
     
     
      ass
      in
      gear).
      Stay
      away
     
     
      from
      music
      with
      words.
     
     
      Although
      having
      the
      line
     
     
      “despite
      all
      my
      rage
      |
      am
     
     
      still
      just
      a
      rat
      in
      a
      cage”
     
     
      might
      sound
      interesting
      to
     
     
      some,
      when
      your
      professor
     
     
      reads
      it
      you
      will
      most
     
     
      likely
      spend
      a
      few
      days
     
     
      looking
      at
      ink
      blots.
      “Near,
     
     
      far,
      wherever
      you
      are,
      I
     
     
      believe
      that
      my
      heart
      will
     
     
      go
      on”
      can
      have
      similarly
     
     
      disastrous
      consequences.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      5.
      Don’t
      work
      in
      your
     
     
      room.
      Although
      it
      may
      be
     
     
      more
      quiet
      in
      your
      slum-
     
     
      ber
      chambers,
      keep
      in
     
     
      mind
      that
      there
      are
      ways
      to
     
     
      silence
      a
      noisy
      house
      (see
     
     
      number
      2).
      The
      biggest
     
     
      reason
      to
      avoid
      your
      room
     
     
      like
      the
      plague
      is
      because
     
     
      of
      the
      warm,
      wrens
      Fier
     
     
      ing,
      most
      comft
      bed
     
    
   
   
    
     
      in
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      6.
      Don’t
      worry
      about
      caf-
     
     
      feine
      being
      a
      temporary
     
     
      fix.
      That’s
      what
      you're
     
     
      looking
      for!
      Don’t
      even
     
     
      to
      tell
      me
      that
      you're
     
     
      writing
      your
      essay
      the
     
     
      ight
      before.
      Professors
     
     
      might
      believe
      that
      crap
     
     
      (they're
      kinda
      cute
      when
     
     
      they
      talk
      about
      students
     
    
   
   
    
     
      ng
      papers
      ea
     
    
   
   
    
     
      eh
     
    
   
   
    
     
      likely
      to
      make
      you
      want
      to
     
     
      retch).
     
    
   
   
    
     
      7.
      Take
      a
      break
      every
      so
      of-
     
     
      ten.
      Read
      a
      book,
      have
      a
     
     
      little
      walk,
      take
      a
      bath.
      The
     
     
      latter
      will
      be
      especially
      ap-
     
     
      preciated
      by
      your
      fellow
     
     
      students.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      8.
      For
      the
      truly
      well
      disci-
     
     
      lined,
      take
      a
      Simpsons
     
    
   
   
    
     
      9.
      For
      the
      my
     
     
      UNdisciplined
      who
      too
     
    

    
     
      the
      Simpsons
      break
      and
      re-
     
     
      alised
      that
      The
     
     
      Simpsons
      comes
      on
      a
     
     
      minimum
      of
      five
      times
      a
     
    
   
   
    
     
      day,
      ourself
      to
     
     
      a.
      until
      7:00
      AM
      to
     
     
      up
      for
      lost
      time.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      STUDENTS
      OF
      THE
     
     
      UNIVERSITY,
      THROW
     
     
      OFF
      YOUR
      DIGNITY
     
     
      AND
      CRY!
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Pauline
      Tran
     
     
      Vice-President
     
     
      Internal
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Wow!
      What
      a
      tumultuous
      year
      it
      has
      been!
      |
     
    
   
   
    
     
      would
      sincerely
      like
      to
      thank
      UPEI
      students
      for
      al-
     
    

    
     
      ing
      me
      to
      be
      the
      Vice
      President
      Internal
      for
      1998-
     
     
      1999.
      It
      was
      the
      best
      of
      times
      and
      the
      worst
      of
      times,
     
     
      but
      I
      feel
      blessed
      to
      have
      been
      able
      to
      work
      with
      so
     
    
   
   
    
     
      many
      and
      made
      valuable
      friends
      along
      the
      way.
     
     
      is
      year,
      the
      University
      welcomed
      several
      new
     
    

    
     
      izations
      on
      including
      Best
      Buddies
      and
     
     
      Caste
      Ca
      SS
      ee
      eet
      aes
     
     
      Centre,
      Campus
      Cupboard
      were
     
    

    
     
      able
      to
      collect
      much
      needed
      food
      and
      items
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Cadre
      faced
      many
      hurdles,
      by
      hard
      work
      and
      perse-
     
     
      verance
      shone
      when
      students
      were
      able
      to
      en-
     
     
      continues
      to
      show
      thanks
      to
      the
      strong
     
    
   
   
    
     
      newer
      The
      Union
      Centre.
      Council-
     
     
      lors
      made
      it
      that
      supported
      student
      -
     
     
      zations
      by
      the
      significant
      role
      it
      plays
      on
     
     
      campus,
      and
      by
      ing
      its
      future.
     
    

    
     
      I
      was
      with
      the
      work
      involved
      in
      the
     
    
   
   
    
     
      pee.
      idati
      could
      not
      have
      gotten
      December
     
     
      without
      the
      support
      |
      ived
      from
      Stephen,
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Tyler,
      and
      Steve.
      My
      fourth
      year
      is
      my
      most
      memora-
     
    

    
     
      year
      at
      UPEI
      thanks
      to
      Alison,
      Jason,
      and
      Karen,
     
     
      whom
      |
      congratulate
      for
      their
      leadership
      and
      dedica-
     
     
      tion
      to
      student
      organizations.
     
    
   
   
    
     
      THANK
      YOU
      PAULINE
     
     
      the
      Cadre
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      Words
      from...
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
       
     
    
   
   
    
     
      gen