The mother lay with her

in the dark corner of the hard-floored dusty barn.

| walked over to the corner,

my mother behind me

with an approving smile

watching her eight year old son

select his first cat.

Behind her walked the farmer,

sweat stains all on his tattered shirt. The farmer and my mother talked as I met the kittens, trying to decide © which one I'd take home.

One kitten came up to me and swatted a shoelace hanging loose. Another rolled on its back as it dug its tiny black claws into a some straw. But a third kitten caught my attention sleeping close to it's mother.

So still and calm.

I placed my hand around

the soft furry animal, the one

I'd take home, and love.

Which I loved already.

| turned around and said,

"Look mom, he's still sleeping."

My mother's approving smile disappeared as the farmer said,

"He's not sleeping. He's dead."

e kitten was anything but peaceful thud -,9

"Bah humbug"

I stand in the shower, and cry.

The warm water drenching my body hides the cold tears.

| just finished puking. Puking toast.

Not even something good, like a McHappy meal with calorific Coke. No pizza. Fucking toast.

And I cry because of that, and because I saw you with her today.

It was at the mall. I was doing some Christmas shopping. Saw so many

things you would just love. Ha. You'll have to get her to get them for

you.

You two looked so cute, a couple Hallmark would use to market some of their crappy romantic birthday cards. I walked behind you far enough not to be seen, but close enough to hurt.

Why we broke up.. I'm still searching for that answer. We had our share of differences, but isn't that what compels people together? Isn't some conflict healthy? You can't prance around all the time with huge, fake plastic smiles on.

We got each other. We knew each other inside out.. is that what drove you away? Were you scared of becoming one of those pathetic pre- dictable couples? I hardly think we were in threat of that. Or were your scared that you loved me too much, and I loved you too much in return? I know it wasn't because of a bland sex life. Hell, weren't you just over at

my place last week fucking my brains out? Oh yeah, my period is late... Well, you are with her now. Keep smilin’, hun. Don't get too close to him, girl. Because one you do, you'll be the one crying in the shower,

barfing up dry, god-damned toast.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

UPEI Cadre November 24 2003 page 3