Summer (June 1993)

e share one similarity you and I t gives us many thingsin comm et we are two different people, ople with different backgrounds rought up completely opposite.

But we share one painful loss! This loss gives us a bond, bringing us together. We take shelter in each other, eminising the times of the past ing to move ahead into the fut

hope the time we share togethe help hurry us through the Sum and get us to the Fall.

Once Fall comes, nce will separate us from the pa |store the hurt in the back of our

when the distance again shortens, and the pain once again returns,

But until we reach the Fall, e will try to enjoy the Summer, and pretend, that we are happy. -- Marco Scappa

ZORBA’S Predictions for 1995

We have asked renowned psychic Zorba to give |G us some ofher predictions for the upcoming year. Zorba is a UPEI graduate, and holds degrees from several prestigious mail-order schools. Asia well, she has been featured on the 1-900 psychic |}> s hotline and several late night infomercials.

SUIUTE]

1) Dr. Elliot will retire from the presidency and will fulfill a latent desire for the theatre by running away with a travelling circus. He will also make guest appearances on ‘“Tarzan’’ as Wolf Larsen’s uncle.

2) To make.ends meet, Dr. Epperly will follow her dream of starting a business selling ‘‘ Anne’’ relics. (See March 29, 1994 X-Press) As a result she will be apprehended by customs for exporting Green Gables paraphernalia without a licence.

3) The Marriott food services contract will be given over to the Murphy Group. The Wanda Wyatt Dining Hall will house Pizza Delight, the AVC cafeteria will be Wendy’s, and the Pit will become a Tim Horton’s. Meal Plans will be transferred into ‘‘buy one, get one free’’ pizza coupons.

4) The UPEI Student Union executive will be infiltrated by the Natural Law Party, and TM and yogic flying will become required courses.

5) Due to government cutbacks, the Engineering Society will take over the contract to finish the fixed link.

6) Student hackers will take over the business office computers and grant all students full scholarships.

7) Students in the Pit will-see a vision of the Virgin Mary. Dr. Morrison will lead amovementto turn the Pit into ashrine. The new Tim Horton’s located in the Pit will celebrate the event by granting commemorative donuts. CFS will lead students

across Canada on pilgrimage to the shrine.

8) CIMN will get its FM licence, and promptly becomes the most listened-to station on the planet.

9) The X-Press staff will win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, buys the University outright and in an unprec- edented move with the SU and CIMN, plan and accomplish a hostile take-over of the MacLean-Hunter group and become a giant propaganda machine for the Natural Law Party.

10) Andrew MacPherson will use his persuasive powers of wit, charm, and devastating good looks to convince the province of Quebec to sever ALL ties with Canada and move their land mass to the South Pacific.

11) The tunnels under campus will be opened and the fine arts department will be thrilled to discover prehistoric cave paint- ings of little girls with red braids.

12) Not knowing Island geology, Hilton Hotels International will purchase Blanchard Hall, and add 20 more floors of “luxury suites’’. Within weeks the Island’s first skyscraper sinks into the mud.

13) To finance the new Chemistry building, chem 110 labs will

..,.be used to. make designer drugs such as LSD and PCP.