Dae 0 SIRBR eS e IR SSa e S EERIEIE, (tye en)

WHEN BILLY TAYLOR JOINED THE UNITED STATES AIR FORCE ON HIS 18th BIRTHDAY,

IT WAS TO EARN MONEY FOR COLLEGE.

IN ALL HIS LIFE, HE’D NEVER SHOT A GUN, HE’D NEVER KISSED A GIRL,

AND HE’D NEVER LEFT THE COUNTRY.

BUT NOW, THE SECURITY OF

THE NATION REST ON HIS SHOULDERS.

USA PRODUCTIONS IN CO-OPERATION WITH RIOT

(THE REAGAN INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY)

PRESENTS

“‘WHERE THE HELLIS TRIPOLI?”’

STARRING

Anthony Michael Hall as Billy Bill Murray as ‘‘The Stooge’”’ and Charles Bronson, as the deranged, obsessively patriotic, overly right-wing commanding officer.

Title Song ‘‘Cross The Line of Death’’ perfromed by By R.R. and the Red Bloods Soundtrack available on Armed Forces albums and cassettes.

“Where The Hell is Tripoli’, comin in Retaliation for all those pinko left-wing, subversive anti-american films sometime this Fall to a theatre or secret military installation

near you.

September 1, 1986

Professor Prunesquallor

By Oliver Twit

As is well known, Dr. Prune- squallor is the most respected professor at PEIU, the leading university in the Viny League.

Aside from his contributions in ~

the field of Quasiparapsi-ology, Dr. Prunesquallor was selected as Best Teacher at PEIU last year in appreciation of his efforts in im- proving the quality of university education.

His strictness in his dealings with students is unparalleled and much admired by his colleagues. He has trained an army of strict student markers, each one as un- yielding as he is with respect to marking assignments.

Prunesquallor is the pride of PEIU. In one of his many ~ specialty fields, QPP-ology, he proved conclusively that one does not have to be awake to have a QPP-normal experience, He is also the author of many critically acclaimed book reviews. Among his numerous works is a review of “The Great Brain Robbery’’.

There are endless, anecdotes about Prunesquallor. at PEIU. One story concerns a question and answer period following one of his lectures. A student stood up to say, “I don’t understand how you derived that formula on the left side of the blackboard.’’ To which he calmly replied, ‘‘That’s not a question, but a statement of your ignorance. Next question, please.”

Another story involves his wan- derings about the PEIU campus. He can be seen walking in a grey jogging suit, oblivious to his sur- roundings. Often, many admirers will follow him just to see what he is up to, not daring to disturb his concentration. Many times, he will simply go to a local ice cream parlor, buy a triple-scoop cone, and eat it on his way back, totally absorbed, while being followed by his numerous admirers.

One of the best known anec- dotes concerns the discussion period of a guest lecturer who had been relating recent discoveries involving quasars, stellar-appearing ‘objects very high redshifts, pre- sumed to be extragalactic and highly luminous. Prunesquallor stood up at the end of the lecture and firmly declared to the entire audience, ‘I don’t believe a thing you said about quasars. In fact, I don’t believe any of the discovereies made during the last eighty years!”"

Prunesquallor’s many deeds are

_ destined to be well remembered

by the students of PEIU.