FACT: Gabriel Fahrenheit

. invented the mercury thermometer. OPINION: | bet he was the type of guy who, in the middle of a snow storm, would come up to you and say, "Cold enough for you?" Then you tell him "I don't speak English." Then he says, "Where are you from?" Then you say, "I just told you I can't speak English. How the hell do you think I can tell you where I'm from, if can't understand your language? Go suck an

egg."

FACT: The Eiffel Tower has 1792 steps. OPINION: God, I'd love to take my

Slinky to the

Eiffel Tower.

FACT: The mongoose was barred live entry into the U.S. in

paper designed for arseholes.

FACT: 54% of Americans prefer to "fold" their toilet paper rather than "wad" it.

OPINION: If someone throws a paper airplane at you in a public washroom. Don't pick it up, or unfold It.

FACT: Your urine will tum bright yellow if you eat too much asparagus. OPINION: If farmers were smart, they'd change the name of asparagus to "glow-in-the-dark piss berries." But farmers are

about book shelves hee.

FACT: There are 5 varieties of twins OPINION: A lot of guys say they'd like to have sex with twins, but I don't understand the attraction to baseball players from Minnesota.

FACT: Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

6 cpa PACER?

“tasteless, humourless, badly informed, poorly-written, foul-mouthed trash”

NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game. OPINION: Those are the two busiest days for prostitutes and drug dealers.

FACT: Reno, Nevada, is west of Los Angeles. California. (Think about it!)

OPINION: \'m trying to think about it, but I really don't care.

FACT: Many species of birds like to clean their feathers with live ants. OPINION: Most people

FACT: These same under- ground streams create oases in the desert and supply water to the millions of date palm trees that grow there!

OPINION: \ used to date a palm tree. I wouldn't have sex without sandpaper. It was embarrassing going down to the hardware store

with a woody.

FACT: There are approxi- mately 2,700 different kinds of earthworms.

OPINION: I've been deathly afraid of earth- worms ever since I saw the movie Tremors.

FCF

pinion

1902.

OPINION: It was caught srhug-

gling gay pornography on

the Canadian border.

FACT: Goldfish swallow- ing started at Harvard in 1939.

OPINION: Hamster sucking started at Princeton in 1999.

FACT: Dry fish food can make goldfish constipated. OPINION: Make sure your fish only eats liquids like soup, water, and shampoo.

FACT: The stall closest to the door in a bathroom is the cleanest, because

it is the least used. OPINION: The stall without a door probably isn't used much either, but you won't have much privacy.

FACT: Toilet paper was invented in 1857. OPINION: The National Post is the only other

not smart; that's why they live on farms.

FACT: There are more people alive today than have ever died.

OPINION: If the dead ever tried to start a war with everyone that's alive they'd be outnumbered, but they'd probably kick our asses because of the mysterious powers they obtained from beyond the grave. And they'd win because they have John Candy on their side, and nobody would try to hurt John Candy.

FACT: The first X-rated animated cartoon was Fritz the Cat.

OPINION: | thought it was alright, but He-Man cartoons turn me on.

FACT: The Library of Congress contains 327 miles of book shelves. OPINION: insert joke

OPINION: Will Smith signed it last year.

FACT: The term, "the whole nine yards," came from WWII fighter pilots in the

Pacific. When arming their airplanes on the ground, the .5S0 caliber machine gun ammo belts measured exactly 27 feet, before being loaded into the fuselage. If the pilots fired all their ammo at a target, it got "the whole nine yards."

OPINION: \ always thought "the whole nine yards" was a reference to Rosie O'Donnell's weight problem. Isn't that what that Matthew Perry movie, "The Whole Nine Yards" is about?

FACT: The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB,

that listen to Phish do not clean themselves with live ants, or soap.

FACT: The most popular street name in the US is "Second Street." "First Street" is the 6th most popular.

OPINION: The least popular street name is "Neil Patrick Harris Drive."

FACT: Inplaces like the Sahara Desert in Africa, people can fish in the many underground streams which lie on top of a layer of clay beneath the sand.

OPINION: Fish make great pets because when you need to use the washroom and you don't want to leave the living room, the aquarium is right there. Don't piss in a bird cage; they call them "peckers" for a reason.

poaTyopp upydajs .

In just one acre there can be over a million earth- worms

OPINION: I've been deathly afraid of Kevin Bacon ever since I saw the movie Tremors.

FACT: Many of the earthworms we can find in North America are de- scendants from those which came from Europe. OPINION: I've been deathly afraid of Jennifer Aniston ever since I saw Picture Perfect because she co-starred with Kevin Bacon who was in Tremors

with earthworms.

=

FACT: Baby worms are not born, but hatch from cocoons smaller than a grain of rice.

OPINION: There were earthworms in the movie Fargo, and earthworms also starred in Tremors with Kevin Bacon, who co-

starred in Picture Perfect

with Jennifer Aniston who's in Friends with Matthew Perry, who was in The Whole Nine Yards, which I made a bad joke * about awhile ago.

FACT: The Australian Gippsland Earthworm grows to 12 feet long. OPINION: Oh no. It's the worm from Tremors! I need help! I'm going to call

Matthew Perry, who's in

Friends with Jennifer

Aniston, who was in

Picture Perfect with Kevin Bacon, who was in Foot- loose.

FACT: The largest earth- worm ever found was in South Africa and measured 22 feet from its nose to the tip of it's tail.

OPINION: Kevin Bacon has a large earthworm; I saw it in the movie Wild _ ‘Things.

FACT: Sloths spend 80% of their lives asleep. OPINION: | spent 80% of this article talking about Kevin Bacon and his gigantic earthworm.

FACT: Sperm whales can descend to about 10,000 feet when they are search- ing for food.

OPINION: Gross, you said sperm, you foul-mouthed fucker. Could you be a little less subtle, pervert? That sperm whale fact is an insult to the students, alumni, staff and faculty of the University. It tells us far more about the mind of the author than about the size of Kevin Bacon's penis.