I had a dream the other night about inter- | viewing an actor. The interview went awesome and the actor in question got me a seat in the | audience so I could watch the play again. Then he | invited me backstage to party with the cast, soon | we got bored and decided to go out for drinks, just | the two of us. We talked about ourselves then he walked me home and kissed me. He agreed to be - a guest director for my play if I would have dinner | with him. Then I woke up. What could this mean? | Hopelessly romantic dreamer

| Dear Dreamer:

Dreaming abouta love affair with anactor shows that your talent and ambition will involve more pleasure | than hard work. The play you are attending fortells courtship by awonderful man who you now know, and a marriage for money.

Last night I had a very strange dream. My | boyfriend and my roommate had an affair, which resulted in her carrying his baby. The strange part _ | isthat they had my blessing! I know my roommate > and my boyfriend are only friends in real life, so what could this dream be telling me?

Just Wondering

Dear Wondering:

A pregnant woman in a dream symbolizes the begin- ning ofanew ideaor project. Perhaps the three of you should embark on a business venture. Either that or | you have secret fantasies about a threesome.

| Tam a frosh here at UPEI, and I hope to be an | English major but my parents want me to go into the sciences. I have been having a reaccuring dream where I find myself running naked (occa- sionally I will be wearing my p.j.’s) through the | halls of Main Building. Iam invariably discovered | by my freshman advisor. He stands in front of me, | pointing and howling in laughter. Does this mean | Lam harbouring secret fantasies of voyeurism? »?Fashion Conscious”

Dear Fashion Conscious:

By running naked, you are expressing your desire to | disobey the rules of your parents and that you want to be true to your self and become an English major. As | for your freshman advisor...

Every night I dream about becoming a vigilante | and bombing the National offices of CUP.(The | Candian University Press, especially the advertis- ing department.) Normally Tama peaceful per- son-- well, except for those few months this sum- mer, but that is another story. Can you help me?

You are obviously harbouring much hidden resent- ment and sexual frustration. Get therapy and a sex

life.

Se Ee Oe ae RGN AAV Se a

Andnow, to coincide with the release of ‘‘Star Trek: Generations’’ (and blatantly attempt to stir up an E-Mail controversy), the X-Press proudly reprints:

Top 50 reasons why Captain Kirk is better than

Captain Picard

By Chris Owen (With thanks to Mike Pryzmant) of The Brock Press 50. Kirk is a leader, not a follower. 49. Kirk never really got into that kinky Jumpsuit look. 48. Kirk has sex more than once a season. 47. One word: Hair 46. Another word: Pretty-good-looking-can’t-see-the-weave-WIG. 45. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed. 44. Picard is a French man with an English accent. 43. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher-- and damn the consequences!! 42. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever. 41. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk. 40. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off the bridge. 39. Two words. Shoulder Roll. 38. Kirk doesn’t wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch. 37. Kirk once said, ‘‘I’ve got a belly-ache-- and it’s a beauty.”’ 36. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis. 35. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift. 34. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth’s whale population. 33. Kirk says, ‘‘Prime Detective? What Prime Detective?” 32. Kirk knows 20th Century curses. 31. Krik was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation. 30. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy. 29. Kirk made do with the obviously low performance technology. 28. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain tactical advantage. 27. Kirk wasn’t shy about taking his shirt off even around those pesky female Yeomans. 26. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill. 25. Kirk never once stood up and straightened his shirt. 24. One word. Velour. 23. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess. 22. When Kirk was Picard’s age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks. 21. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise. 20. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again. 19. One word. Iman. 18. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt. 17. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and shit down its neck. 16. Kirk says, ‘‘Shoot first and wait for retaliation.”’ 15. Kirk’s first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge. 14. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out. 13. Kirk doesn’t rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes. 12. Two words. Funky sideburns. 11. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice. 10. Kirk never once said, ‘‘Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!”’ 9. Kirk is not politically correct. 8. Kirk never got ‘‘dumped’’ by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet. 7. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood forest. 6. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk’s bridge, Kirk would likely be dead. 5. Ever hear of a bar shooter called, ‘“Make it so”? No? How about a “‘Beam me up, Scotty’’? See the Difference? 4. One word. Miniskirts. 3. Kirk’s girlfriends always look good in soft light. 2. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.

1. Kirk’s first officer didn’t play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.

|November 15, 1994}