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transday. april 2, 1981, page 15 , ' ' -

I PEI t0

Ina private in which former Liberal Bennett Campbell and lifelong enemy Joey Smallwood (who tried this same deal on Brian Peckford) last week) were present (and smiling quietly to theftselves) . Angus out- lined his proposals for the future of PEI: ‘ "In our present scheme, we will use PEI as the site for a Canadian merchant marine. Any and all shipping, firms can register their vessels here. We hope this will steal a bit of business from the Liberians.

V s, /

quIt Canada N Maclean‘ also stated that that this will threw/a _ all liquor laws will be . mnkey mendl into any - abolished and nobody will further causeway pro- _ be alloWed to be caught posals and will force not drinking. (N to strap long range V. This reporterhasalso tanksonthenensuper learned that the Tories ferry. - have made a secret deal Bennett Campbell with the Evinrude Corp. chipped in his 1M0 bits to place a pair of 50hp worth by stating, "If outboard motors in the other provinces want to leave; Cable Head area. Mr. Canada, we want them to try MacIean feels the noise I “ ‘and our act. I _' of the motors will keep personally feel this tourists may, thereby challenge will provide an confounding attempts incentiVe to increase the to develop the Cable quality of Canadian work- Head site. MacIean manship as well as pro— hopes that after a few vide a good number of.

Premier Angus MacIean announced today PEI's immediate secession from Canada. In a dramatic

in today's legislature, Premier MacIean led all members of Conservative, Liberal, -' NDP and others into the . middle of the house floor to signify the unity of all Island parties and the generally uncom- fortable house seats.

Maclean stated over- all that he has good in- tentions towards both PEI and Canada and feels

his newly conceived plan . . , I

for PEI will inprove 'Ibo many tankers of Liberian years the Island Will nan 30105. By the way,

the Island economy and registration have been ' become navigable we need someone to hold spilling oil on the shores and a new latitude could the‘ next week

lessen depending on foreign imports (i.e. D.V.A.) for the creation of government jobs.

Masked "Matzo Ball”

tho is the masked "Matzo ball" who has taken the life of the mystery Prof? No, it is not a Jewish diamond. merchant sucking on a "Bagel". 'Ihis dastardly "mu

"bastard" is responsible for plastering semi— intellect all over. There are four suspects that the police are investigating.

at Cable Head." , -

Joey Smallwood was then nudged and he added a fan of his gems of wisdom. "With the former "C Tax" pro— 'posals crushed in the last election, I feel John Crosbie will be forced to retire. The last Federal. election also brought to light'a new Canadian Wer, the Rhinoceros Party.

These fine, upstanding citizens will probably win , the next election and, if

they follow Angus and

. Bennett's lead, we will

soon have Canada in the

" four corners of the globe.

H 'Ihe head Rhino has already _ informed me that pick work

of the world. From now on I want them to be Island

ships all the way."

be obtained (hopefully 42—37°). Angus is ' reported to have said

\Ivan MacArthur No. 771-432-111 Sex: Male

Faculty Lov School :

Parloo ' s sneakers and

whispering sweet nothings

in her ear. This, plus

Business > Ivan "the terriber" hasbeen - seen lately kissing-Sue-

has begun at all Canadian boundaries and in five to six years we will have a barge of the remaining 9 provinces and two terri-"" tories heading out across the Pacific. So if any foreign countries need Some good land and some

e question is ’" who-dunni?" There is a $1.9'8 reward

(in Canadian Tire Money) for anyone who is able to solve the mystery. Please sub-- mit all answers plus some sort of deductive reasining to, the Sun Office

good moochers, just cut the appropriate tow line as we Pass by in '87."

his love of raping choc- olate Easter bunnies,

makes Mr. MacArthur a prime suspect. Some be- lieve that the murder could have been his revenge against society for not lettin him be SU Prez.

;

Alex Smith No. 2.3'I'I‘rz Sex: whenever his mom gives the O.K. Faculty: Science Alex "the Dilvechio" has been rumored to be the Giovenese family connection at UPEI. A renowned hit man, Lex has bumped off six mice, three guppies, and two cocka poo's, who managed to run out, in front of his mo—ped. 'Ihis seedy looking character has been seen around mffy cutting up specimen with a meat cleaver. This perverse behavior makes "the Dancer" a prime suspect.

Trim "Timbo the Dancer". _ Bellevieau

' No. 1/2

Sex: profusely ,

Faculty: unknown (maybe arts) Timbo "the sweet" is an _ ' underground pretty boy whose appearance in "Cruising"

as the man w the amend the "Crisco" has

T brought him inhigh demand among the Confed. Center crowd. But this sexual

' deviant has also been

Imam to "waste the , occasional wine" ‘with his Magnum. He is certainly

a candidate for suspicion.

3. Don ’No. 999—999-999 Sex: Virgin

7 Faculty: Sciences

. Doug the Slug is the most perverse of'deviants in tcmnc .Doug has been seen with kid Joe offering candy to the little kids on the street Corners. Carmody's

~ activity with the KKK and his lust for hand grenades make him a prime suspect.