Page 12

HUMOUR

act an opinion

By Ryan Miller

FACT: The drug ‘Premarin,’ which is a shortened form of ‘pregnant mare’s urine’ which is its primary ingredient, is used to treat human menopause.

OPINION: Nothing is better for treating cranky old mares than the piss of other cranky old mares.

FACT: Jack Nicholson was shocked to discover at age thirty- seven that his sister, seventeen ‘years his senior, was actually his mother.

OPINION: Better his sister than his girlfriend.

FACT: In 1965, 17-year-old Randy Gardner stayed awake for eleven days straight, although after the first few days his speech slurred and he fell into a conscious stupor.

OPINION: If you can’t afford booze, just try staying awake until the weekend.

FACT: Saddam Hussein was pre- sented with the keys to the city of Detroit in 1980.

OPINION: Given the choice between Detroit and a hole in the ground, I know which one I would have taken, too.

FACT: Also in 1980, ‘Cubaholics Anonymous’ was established for people who couldn’t put down their Rubik’s Cubes, which were proven to be as addictive as drugs.

OPINION: A good joint is much more rewarding and much less complicated.

FACT: The largest employer in

FENCING 101

Tuesday 8:00 - 10:00 P.M

the world is the India railway sys- tem, which employs roughly 1.6 million people.

OPINION: I wonder who does their tech support.

FACT: The only popcorn muse- um in the world is located in Marion, Ohio.

OPINION: Surely, there must be more than one simple museum in Ohio devoted to such a wondrous and monumental product.

FACT: Blood accounts for about 7% of human body weight.

OPINION: I have an idea if you need to lose a few pounds. Il need a knife and a mop.

FACT: Sex acts like a natural his- tamine, and can help cure headaches and relieve stuffy noses.

OPINION: If you know where to go, it can be cheaper than Sudafed.

FACT: Q-Tip Cotton Swabs were originally called Baby Gays. OPINION: “Honey, I have one of

42?

these Gay sticks stuck in my ear!

FACT: Between 1902 and 1907, the same tiger reportedly killed 434 people in India.

OPINION: It’s only a miniscule fraction of the railway workforce.

FACT: In 1998, a Virginia law was passed that allowed residents to keep their road kill provided they report it within 12 hours, including rats, raccoons and opos- sums.

OPINION: It’s faster than the drive-thru, saves money and is probably just as warm.

UPEI FENCING CLUB, SPORTS CENTRE:

A SIX-WEEK INTRO TO THE SPORT OF FENCING, BASIC THEORY AND PRACTICE RE ALL THREE DISCIPLINES

(FOIL, EPEE, AND SABRE) WITH AN INHOUSE TOURNA- MENT WITH ELECTRICS TO ROUND OFF THE COURSE.

EQUIPMENT SUPPLIED

STARTS NOW.

Oct. 12, 2007

Wrong Answer?

What is “Wrong Answer?” A quick quiz with no correct answers? Well, it beats exams. Get a cheap laugh or use it to break the ice with your meal hall/pysch 101 crush. See how you rank as a slacker. 1. After two full weeks of classes ... a) I have only missed 8 classes b) I know all the librarians by name c) the binge continues d) I haven’t bought any books yet e) Lam banned from the Wave 2. Instead of buying books I used mom’s money to get... a) the “Coles Notes” versions b) a lab coat, all my friends have one c) chocolate, its hard to learn if you are hungry d) alcohol, I buckle down in second semester 3. The best concert this summer was... a) fuck, Nickleback was fucking awesome b) Aerosmith except I really had to pee (I’m glad I wasn’t a VIP) c) White Stripes, too bad about the mental issues d) Tragically Hip, I don’t remember the others 4. Worst news story of the summer was.... a) Paris Hilton’s prison watch b) Britney Spears, she has had a rough summer/year/decade c) OJ; was he even a good football player? d) That in 25 years Canada’s coolest animal, the polar bear, may be extinct, I’m serious on this one. Polar bears are more impor- tant than a, b, and c combined 5. The weather last week was so nice l..... a) cancelled my tanning sessions and tanned for free b) BBQ’d every night, even though I was just cooking hotdogs — c) stayed true to the shorts and sandals d) drank on the deck by myself instead of in my room alone 6. Excuses for why I did not go to Joel Plaskett Emergency... a) My fake ID didn’t work, I can’t be DRY at these events b) I listened to their cds instead and repeated my favs c) I was too depressed after paying over $500. on books d) I thought it was on Friday e) I went, I just don’t remember anything 7. Its my first year in university and... a) I miss bells and homeroom b) where’s the lobby? c) I still have a curfew d) paying for school sucks

’ 8. I chose UPEI because...

a) all my friends did b) my parents would not let me go anywhere else c) I expected to get $2000 from the government d) I’m sure it had a reputation of some sort 9. Big Brother 8 is over and... a) Evil Dick won, not Dick Cheney, Donato b) if there is Canadian Idol there should be a Canadian Big Brother, Ben Mulroney could host it c) this has got to be the easiest reality show to win d) who watches reality tv..... cough, cough 10. TV’s season premieres are starting and a) LOST is by far the best b) Survivor is like a crap episode of LOST c) I’m more of a Heroes fan d) Desperate Housewives or Grey’s Anatomy for me e) I’ll stick to The Simpsons and Family Guy