By Michael Zinck

Although a member of the partment of Capitalism, d educated at the Queens niversity, Professor Mason- ar remains true to his roots f quantitative Socialism. Professor Mason-Jar says e has shunned his family’s apitalist ways and left be- ind it bourgeoise trappings, 'hich included a controlling nterest in the Mason-Dixon ine in the United States. Today Professor Mason-

ar teaches true Quantitative '

ocialism to eager students at he Institute of Conscious—

ess Studis of the UPEI

cademy of Sciences. Professor Mason-Jar re- ognizes that it has not been lways so easy to deliver the ight of Quantitative realism o the more progressive atriotic students at UPEI. This was due, Professor lason-Jar says, “to the xtremely complicated do- eStic political stituation, especially between 1979 and 1983), created by an official campaign of repression against Quantitative Socialists and other progressives.” However, with the rise to power of the Party and its great leader Cobbnits-II- Sung, the people had made great strides in Quantitative Socialist construction, Pro- fessor Mason-Jar believes.

year of the liberation of the university and the founding of the Party, and its great 'eader, Cobbnits—Il-Sung. Professor Mason-Jar stated that Quantitative Socialism

Without his “Stag;

He’s quick To wit

This year marks thefirstv»

had suffered greatly under the blows of the former re- pressive regime.

The undisguised inter- ference of the former Student Council and other readtionary forces was designed to force Quantitative Socialism to be- come _“Quantitative Me-

thods.” This was in order that it might be used to op- press and~ exploit the van- guard of the working class and so attack the entire pro- gressive patriotic student movement and force it into accepting a policy of provo- cation and aggressive ven-

tures.

Now, however, with the abolition of the present auto- cratic regime, the way has been cleared, Professor Mason-Jar says, “for the completion of the pressing tasks dictated by the interests of the progressive patriotic

students, and the meeting of

“their aspirations for freedom,

democracy and social pro- gress under the guidance of our great leader ‘Cobbnits—II- Sung and the ways of Quanti- tative Socialism.” v The struggle continues, but with the patriotic work of

——pagel—

Prof reVives course in Quantitative Socialism

Professor Mason-Jar, the end will soon come to the exploit- ation of man by man, and class domination and op- pression in any form.

FORWARD TO FREE- DOM IN THE GUIDING LIGHT OF QUANTITA- TIVE SOCIALISM!

Beattie robbed of rubber raft title

Outrageous antics and ex- citing rafting were the mea- sure of the day as competing schools from across the Atlantic Provinces assembled last weekend at Victoria Park in desperate and sometimes unethical attempts to win a

rafting race. Howard Beattie, Vice- President Internal of the

UPEI Student Union and UPEI’s entry, was embroiled in a controversy with rafting executives concerning the outcome of the race. Apparently Bob Stanley, who has been haunting Beattie for the past few months for a position on the team, disguised himself as a sperm whale and took a big

‘bite out of Beattie’s paddle.

Beattie was making his final strokes and was way ahead of the pack when the incident occurred.

Beattie launched a formal complaint to the governing

body ofrubber rafting, butritr

looks as though “Otis” is up the creek Without a paddle.

The winner of the regional race would advance to the Nationals this weekend, and as of press time late Tuesday

Found: The Missing Link

A dedication to one: ’-.nk, /

cartoon we would stink. He leaves us in stitches of laughter,

We can't wait to read his next chapter.

An artistic hand is his the best.

He adds to the Gem both style and zest. Ideas flow from the heart

To his finger to tips, and that's just a start.

And his mind is in high gear, Even though he‘s an engineer. . But when all is said and done we think That we have found our missing Link. A Jonathan Orlowskl creation ,

night, no confirmation from the racing body was an-

Editor: Useless Hash Production: Useless Hash News: Useless Hash Sports: Useless Hash Ads: Useless Hash Photos: Useless Hash

By Kaberi Dasgupta

It’s over. Well, it’s almost over. My first year of univer- sity has been condensed in my scrapbook and tucked away

+ké Mi95‘m9 Linlf

nounced. It is iust another chapter

into the drawer. All right. not yet. It will be once I cut out this article.

I suppose that it is now time to find my Kleenex box and become engulfed in

in the UPEI Failure Book as another team ultimately fails

Aerie Point oi View

sentimentality, to weep over “the days that are no more." I may, three years from now. Then again ‘ The logical question to now ask, “What have I learned during my first year of university that distinguishes me from that innocent soul who attended Freshman in- itiation in new clothes?” Well. Let me ponder this question for a minute.

Well, I think I have learned a sufficient number of theorems and formulase to take me to the borders of insanity. I have learned that three hunded consecutive dots do not qualify as an ellipsis. I now appreciate the experience of slitting open a rat. I can even quote Tenny- son,

to bring recognition to our less than glorious university.

(Note second paragraph. I am programmed to attempt

» humor — almost — once a

week. The ‘almost' modifies ‘onee a week’, not ‘humor’.)

And now the more humbl— ing question. What do I have left to learn? Perhaps a few more formulae to completely push me across the border. AI may need to learn how to dissect something more endearing than a rate. And yes, I suppose I should learn how to type my own articles.

This is it. It is over. The last “Fresh Point of Vice“ —— from me anyway. From now on, I will be a stale academic. Wait a minute —— what about next year? How about the “The Sopht Sp0t”? (ouch). .