SUN OCI‘.21,1982

’ fezesc'

THE GAME OF THE NAME

Yesterweek, in a small filler in a newspaper, I read‘that the man who develoPed the diesel cycle which is how diesel eng- ines work, was named, oddly enough, Otto Diesel. Good, I thought, it is only meet that a person who has.put a lot of time and effort into inventing something should finally get his name in a super- market weekly. .

I told the young genius

whom I was babysitting

about Otto Diesel and re- ceived a knowing lock and

a scornful ten-year-old

Si 8h. 7 '

"A diesel is a kind of a trugk, stupid, not a personﬂs name!",quoth he.

I mentally consigned him,

to the kindly hands of the

next barbarian horde that u.passed through North River and forgot the incident ‘ until just a few minutes ago, when I discovered

‘ that even adults have difficulty believing that

thername_9£rsom§qcommonﬁ,.

so SO pass. 1-

writ-mat. popular-'- ized, or stolen it.

For instance, a friend of mine wdﬁgd not believe the story that‘I'told her I. ‘ about Jﬁbes.Jerome Inter- nal-CombustiOn Engine. It seems that James and his friend, Jacob P. Auto~

one day when James suddenly got‘the.idea that would revelutionize North American Society.

W Jacobﬂ he said to his friend; iyou know how tiresqmé iésto be constantletaking care of

we can ride into town on Sundays? Wouldn't it be nice if we had some sort of mechanism that would just sit in the shed un- til we needed it?“ Jacob(who was allergic to -horses)wa5‘immediately enthusiaStic. "I know, James! It would be made of metal, so that it would never grow old,

and it would fly through! the air to wherever we

we wished.to go!"

"No good, Peter Helicopter and Samuel Variable-Pitch PrOpellor(with a little help from Thomas High-Oct- and Aviation Gasoline) are

I

mobile, were riding homer /

these horses,.just so that ;-

already working on that 7“

one. What say we make one

that stays on the ground?

We could call it the " 'Gnudgé'!"

The two chums began work on the new invention in their basement alchemy lab immediately. In quick suc- :cession they invented gunpowder, concrete and bronze, but these were ob- viously dead ends. For one thing, they had already been invented. Finally, they came up with a device that would do everything that they wanted it to do, but Mary-Claire Hovercraft sued them for patent in- fringement, so they had to come up with something else. 'Eventually, however, they had a machine which had four wheels, a motive power unit, and a glove compartment, and they knew that they had done it. "What shall we call it, James? somehou,'Gnudge' does not seem appropriate for such a thing." "Well, it seems to be the trend these days to name 'dﬂéfSTihventionsTaTter oneself, like Marlene Wallpaper or Nicholas Video-Tape did, so let's call it the 'automobile'." "Good idea, James. We can also call the thing in front the 'intenal- combustion engine'!"

.4.

The rest is history.

by Lachlan MacQuarrie

M?

-‘_—— -— -— - —*- "—W

4

will Go-d- throw flowers- at our funeral—C)

(and will they be paper roses ?)

Demons dance and feed the darkness-

'The crash of the cosmos will only kill you once.I But night is always falling.

Sanebody, somewhere, is inventing a new way to kill. And the night stars bleed to watch and mourn.

Spacewalker, what did you find ? There is no way out. Is there a way out ? There is no escape. Is there an escape ? I have found nothing. What did you find ? There is no way out! Is there a way out ? And so it goes. That's the way it goes. That's the way it is.That's the way it is. That's the way it is that's the way it is ' the way it is it is it is it ititititatatat at ratatattat the click of a rifle bolt behind you the hiss of a gas grenade the soft thud of a satchel charge thrown into the shelter next to your foot and you're going to die and that's.THE.0NLY.WAy.IT.Is!

Military LAW is a Light Automatic Weapon.

Mutually assured destruction is MAD.

Am I the only acronym? Is there a way out ? I can't see the EXIT signs

anymore . -IM

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Editor— Vicki McMillan Assistant Editor— Nancy Mai’ie Arsenault Typists— Barb Laughlin Joanne MacKinnon Graphics— Chris Robinson JXIScnkgeDMJCh Photographers-Preston Delaney ‘ Troy Merrick Special Thanks to- Carol Dorion George Fisher Pat Moore