Fact & Opinion

FACT: The sentence; “the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog,” uses every letter in the alphabet. OPINION: One of these days the lazy dog is going to get that quick brown fox and jump a mudhole in his sorry ass.

FACT: In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman,

somewhere. OPINION: In every

episode of Full House ©

there is a nude shower scene. ;

FACT: Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches. OPINION: Live fast, die young, have someone grab their crotch and throw you 100mph without washing their hands.

FACT: Did you know that there are coffee flavored PEZ?

_ OPINION: It doesn’t matter what flavor they call it, PEZ will always taste like day old

urine.

FACT: The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore, when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight Staircases.

OPINION: They Installed the circular Staircase because

they needed the horses to stay downstairs to answer the phone.

by stephan macleod

FACT: The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the “American Pie.” (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

OPINION: During an open heart transplant on one of the Backstreet Boys, the surgeon kept playing games with his heart. (Thus the name of the Madonna song “Like a Virgin.”)

FACT: Each king ina deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David; Clubs - Alexander the Great; Hearts-Charlemagne; and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

OPINION: What a crock! There’s only one great king from history - Larry King.

FACT: 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 OPINION: This is also the same number of times you can listen to “Livin’ La Vida Loca” without getting tired of it.

FACT: An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.

OPINION: Hence the saying, “what’s the matter with you boy, you got a bigger eye than your brain? Quit staring at my breasts!”

FACT: The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

OPINION: He was kicked off the airplane when the stewardess realized he sneaked into first class.

FACT: The name Jeep came from the abbreviation used in the army for the “General Purpose” vehicle, G.P. OPINION: G.P. can also stand for “Girl Power” vehicle, but the army keeps that information confidential.

FACT: The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms than necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia

FACT: Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. OPINION: But if taken in suppository form, it can be a stimulating adventure.

FACT: If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

OPINION: You also have a problem if your

...ittakes 4 thousand haby seals to supply

CTL WC TE

still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for blacks and whites. OPINION: While on a visit to the Pentagon, Michael Jackson couldn’t decide which bathroom he should go to. Michael gets confused when people try to classify bathrooms as either male or female. We all need to urinate, what difference does it make?

FACT: The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado. OPINION: So if someone from Pennsylvania asks you, “how low can you go?” punch them in the crotch.

pimp is expecting more money from you.

FACT: No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever won a Superbowl. OPINION: No NFL team’s sexy dolphin mascot has ever made me want to run on the field naked. I only did it because my clothes were on fire.

FACT: Only one person in two billion will live to be 116, or older.

OPINION: These people are so old that they can’t even remember making a pact with Satan to live this long.

FACT: The name “Wendy” was created for the book, “Peter Pan.”

OPINION: The name “Jesus” was made up for the film “The Big Lebowski.”

FACT: It takes 3,000 cows to provide the NFL with enough leather for a year’s supply of footballs. OPINION: It takes 4,000 baby seals to supply the NHL with hockey pucks.

FACT: The three most valuable brand names on earth:

~ Marlboro, Coca-Cola,

and Budweiser, in that order.

OPINION: The least valuable brand name

on earth is Chip and Pepper.

FACT: Humans are the only primates that don’t have pigment in the palms of their hands.

OPINION: My mom always used to warn me, “if you keep doing that, pigment is going to grow on your palms.”

FACT: In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world’s nuclear weapons combined. OPINION: I bet the Russians have something to do with hurricanes.

FACT: Elephants can’t jump. Every other mammal can. OPINION: But elephants are the only mammals that have a penis where their nose

should be.

FACT: A rhinoceros’ |

horn is made of compacted hair.

OPINION: Bob Barker is a rhinoceros with a neatly combed horn.

FACT: A polar bear’s skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear.

OPINION: Kind of like Clear Pepsi, except they don’t smell like kerosene.

FACT: Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

OPINION: Dueling should be legal everywhere. It makes

so much more sense

than wrestling or dance competitions.

FACT: Shakespeare invented the word “assassination” and “bump.” OPINION: He also invented the George Foreman Grill.

FACT: Marilyn Monroe had six toes. OPINION: Marilyn Manson has eight hands, but they are not all his.

FACT: A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, and no one knows why.

OPINION: I know why, but the ducks made me promise not to tell or they’d kill my family.

FACT: The only 15- letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is “uncopyrightable.” OPINION: Quack!...oh my God...they’re coming to get me...I said too

much.

BEND