Frank and Wank’s — Fat It or Beat It

A review of Pat & Willy’s Cantina

by: Frank “the Falafel” Shapiro and Stan “the Wank” Tunbull

Oh, hello there. My name is Frank Shapiro, but around here most peo- ple call me “The Falafel”. I’ve always had a special relationship with food. Yeah, we go way back. Even as an infant I remem- ber how much I loved food. I especially enjoyed the free price and convenient ready to serve, easy to suckle joys of breast milk. Those were the days. As I progressed through my childhood and adolescence, my bond with the culinary arts grew stronger and stronger. You might say I’m like the guy on “My Secret Identity”, only instead of being able to move really fast or fly with spray paint, my senses of taste and smell became extremely powerful. In fact, they are now 47 times more sensitive than those of the average human. These super powers have given me the opportunity to lead a very fascinating life. I’ve been a member of the Winnipeg police department K-9 unit busting dope dealers and locating lost individuals. But, the most rewarding aspect of my enhanced senses (no it’s not just sexual) is also associated with my life- long love for fine cuisine: I am now a food critic. And with the help of my good pal, Stan, I’ll be able to help you, the stu- dents of UPEI, decide where to eat in Charlottetown.

Hello my name is Stan “the Wank” Turnbull. Unlike Frank, I am not an expert in the culinary arts. I only agreed to do this because “the falafel” promised me that I would be meeting a lot more gals along the way. I was asked to give you folks a little background on myself.....so here we go — I’m a 20 year old arts student who enjoys hobnobbing while walking on the beach. I’m single, 5’2”, 210lbs, built like a steamboat and enjoy the company of older women. Let’s doooo this.

Our first stop on this gustatory roller coaster was Pat & Willy’s Cantina on Kent Street. It was Monday, it was late, and Stan and I were hungry. We thought, what could two manly men do to solve our dilemma? Of course, Margarita Monday’s at Pat & Willy’s. So off we went.

Service

Frank - We had a little wait before we ordered, even though it wasn’t busy. However, we were able to snack on com- plimentary chips and salsa while we wait- ed, which was nice. You may call me a cheap bastard but I must say I enjoy free

food. Our meals arrived on time, within 8- 9 minutes and our server, who wasn’t overly entertaining but was polite and got the job done, checked in on us at’ least twice. Overall, the service was about average - nothing special but no com- plaints here.

6.5/9 Cucharachas

Wank - Pretty much the same as Frank. I must note that the server was as charming as a crustacean. I guess I can’t really com- plain too much.....it was a really nice wicker basket of nachos. This dude was

fairly quick and efficient. He did, howev-

er, laugh at one of Frank’s lame ass jokes...negative one point. 5.5/9 Cucharachas

Food

Frank - Chicken Monterey - Boneless skinless chicken breast smothered in sauteed onions, mushrooms, peppers, melted jack cheese and sauteed veggies, with your choice of side......$8.99

- Although I’m usually quite fond of breasts, I was disappointed on this partic- ular night. To start with, my chicken was pink. Not because it wasn’t cooked, in fact, it was overcooked and quite dry. It was simply pink, and I’m not sure why. It also lacked seasoning and wasn’t very flavourful. The side veggies were no bet- ter, as they had an odd “fishy” aftertaste. The only highlight was the rice. But seri- ously, how exciting can rice get? The serving size was OK but didn’t quite fill me - I could have gone for a BK Jr. Whopper or two afterwards. JI wouldn’t recommend this meal.

4/9 Cucarachas

Wank - Taco Platter - Four hard shell beef tacos served with Momma's Mexican rice and refried beans, toppings on the side. Sries)......810.99

- I don’t usually go for a taco entree at restaurants because I believe that nothing can compare to the deliciousness of an Old El Paso homemade taco kit. But tonight was different - my stomach chose this meal, not my brain.

I must say I was quite surprised when the dish was presented.. It was a lot of food...:unlike most entrees served at Murphy establishments. The tacos

- weren’t too bad. Nice light spices along

with some zesty salsa made the tacos seem almost mom-made. Also, I’m not a huge fry guy but the lightly coated fries were

very satisfying. It sounds like my meal |

was good and it was..... but for shart sakes, I didn’t get my dang, refried bean. I dig beans, eh — minus | point.

Choice of side i chose the.

6.5/9 Cucharachas Atmosphere

Frank - The decorations are pretty cheesy, filled with stereotypical Mexican things: chili pepper lights, sombreros, lizards, etc. But, I’m a pretty cheesy guy, so I enjoyed them. The music was “Top 40” and the lighting was fine. Overall, not a high soci- ety atmosphere, but definitely kinda fun.

Wank - Frank pretty much summed it up for both of us.

It kind of looks like my bedroom — except for all my Dungeon and Dragon cards and dirty magazines....oh crap, did I just think that or write that? Uh, let’s move on.

7/9 Cucarachas for both

Bang-For-Buck

Frank - At Pat & Willy’s, I experienced average service, sub-par food with an average serving size in a fairly fun atmos- phere for $8.99 + tax. I also didn’t see — named Pat or ealy in the whole

ENGEsainid

joint, which was a letdown. Twauld have to say I feel I paid too much for what I got. 5/9 Cucarachas

Wank - From my experience with Pat and Willy’s was that it is quite a popular place amongst the ladies and not a first choice amongst the dudes. Maybe the portions? maybe the margaritas? The hot waiters? Who knows? All I know is that I had a pretty good meal. So, were the tacos worth the $10.99 I payed? Uhhh, maybe if I received my beans. Anyways, I probably can find a better way to spend $10.99. C’mon Frank let’s go to the GW. Variety Store

5.5/9 Cucharachas

Next week we’ll be reviewing a restaurant that will be chosen by one our loyal fans. For any special requests, please e-mail us at

frank_and_wank@hotmail.com

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