WE WANT YOU!

The Gem is the student news- paper of UPEI. It is committed to Providing a@ forum for the free exchange of thoughts and opinions and informative, unbiased articles on current — university-related issues as well as issues of provin-

cial, national, and international

interest.

To become a good newspaper, the Gem needs and invites more

~ Students to write columns, serious articles, humor, poems, short stories, and also letters to the editor. Submissions are always welcome and will usually be pub- lished.

The Gem is published weekly and usually available Thursdays on campus. Staff meetings are held on Monday nights at the Gem office from 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. beginning September 8. The office is located on the 4th floor of Main Building. All students are wel- come to visit the office during regular office hours.

We at the Gem whole-heartedly invite you to join the newspaper staff. In particular, we need writers, layout’ people, graphic artists, typists, informed sources, and more - writers. Critics can come if they want to.

Writers: the backbone of any newspaper. Articles On sports, the arts, movie reviews, and topics

related to university life are quite welcome, as are columns, humor, short stories and poems. Write anything you want and as much as you want. Submissions is possible should be typed on 8.5 x 11 paper and double-spaced. The regular deadline is 1:00 pm on Mondays. Layout people: the backbone of any newspaper. Along with the production editor, these people assemble the newspaper. They decide how to arrange the material and make the newspaper attrac- tive to readers, and are rewarded with pizza and soft drinks. This is basically done on Tuesdays. Graphic artists: people who draw or photograph pictures. They make the newspaper enjoy- able for other people, especially those who can’t be bothered to read the articles. Their regular deadline is 1:00 p.m. on Mondays. Typists: very valuable and hard to find. Therefore, very very welcome.

Desperately seeking glamorous typists.

Informed sources: people who know things that they think others should know about. They. are invited to tell us about it, be it of great “importance, critical, or amusing.

Criti ightly lower than the backbone of any newspaper, nevertheless still welcome.

Gauntlet

graphic:

‘phic/ Dalhousie Gaz

- Three Girls Are Better Than One

By Oliver Twit

“T really stunk at parties. I was just terrible,” recalls Dr. Prune- squallor. ‘At school dances and pubs I’d have severe anxiety. I'd utterly freeze.””

Poor performances ‘at social gatherings piqued Prunesquallor’s interest. From then on he pro- ceeded to build a career on the study of female personality. His experiences — teaching and work- ing with students at PEIU — gave him the idea that there was much more to female personality and social gatherings than what_his colleagues were describing.

“7 thought I knew what was going on, but that was just a delusion on my part,” Prune- squallor says. ‘I knew that to really understand female person- ality, 1 would have to change my approach a bit.”

He recently completed research on female personality and has come out with a new theory to explain it, the triarchi theory, which was published recently in a prestigious journal. In his theory, female personality is made up of three dimensions: componential, experiential, and contextual. His theory is best excemplified by three women — Alice, Barbara, and Celia — who were once his favourite students.

1. Componential: Alice was intellectual and analytic and had high test scores. She was also a feminist. She felt a need to inti- midate and to demonstrate her superiority to males she encoun- tered. She easily outperformed most males, whom she dismissed as Archie Bunkers. Underneath it all, she was neurotic and wanted the attention of men.

2. Experiential: Barbara didn’t have the highest test scores, but she was a superbly artistic person, a creative thinker, and a talented actress. She felt a need to show that males had no appreciation of culture. She found most males had Rambo mentalities: they drank beer, watched sports on TV, either stayed at home or went bowling, didn’t like “‘real”’ music, and were generally ignorant. She felt pity for them and wanted to enlighten them. In reality, she was neurotic and desired the admira- tion of men.

3. Contextual: Celia was street- smart. She learned how to play the game and how to manipulate her environment. Her test scores weren’t tops, but she could come on top in almost any context. She always went to the right parties and always met’the right people. She found most males to be boring and not stimulating. More

than ten male ‘students had nervous breakdowns due to her neurotic behavior.

So what can yourdo with a new theory of femalé personality? Prunesquallor says, ‘‘I view the situation as a triangle. I consider the ideal woman to embody the strengths of all three dimensions.”” He is now developing the Prune- squallor Ideal Personality Exam- ination (PIPE). It is based strictly on the triarchic theory and will give a better measure of female personality and likelihood of mental illness than conventional tests.

Prunesquallor says, “I really think it’s important to bring personality into the real world and the real world into personality. However, I feel that the study of male personality is best left to a female professor.””

In an unguarded moment, Prunesquallor told me that his theory was loosely inspired by the article “‘Three Heads are Better Than One’ in the August 1986 issue of Psychology Today and that all persons and events de- picted in his research article are purely ficticious, and any resem- blance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental. After my long interview with Prunesquallor I’ found myself to be much in- spired by his creativity and ingenuity.