ALL YUPPIES MUST DIE. THATI IS JUST a little, unnecessary generational humour to force me back into the position ofan X-Press columnist. | beg

forgiveness from all Thirteeners,

slackers, gen x’ers, twentysomethings and all others finding themselves in this so-called lost generation. The reason | ask for your mercy is due to the fact that my weekly lamentations have been absent for a considerable number of issues. | do apologize, for | am truly sorry. | just want to put the masses at ease with my return. | have had many

by s. livingstone

a sleepless night

trying to come up

with an excuse to explain my absence, but | really do not have one carrying a gram (metric) of impressive or believable proportions. | have decided that we will just block the memory of recent issues of the X-Press from our collective consciousness and continue with present events.

My main concern today is one | share with many other students on this campus, and that is the plight of electronic mail. E-mail usage on this campus is out of control, and someday, | predict with confidence, a usually complacent senior is going to fall over

the edge and terrorize a group of giggling, unsuspecting e-mail users. | will admit that electronic mail has great advantages, and do not expect the university to shut UPEl’s gates to the electronic superhighway that everyone claims is fast approaching; however, the students of this university have been blessed with this service for academic purposes, and not as a free service to write one-liners to people who are sitting in the same computer lab. | am sure we have all heard many times someone shouting across the room to another student to ask, “Like, did you get that last note?”. This is not necessary. Please leave the room, go to the Pit, and finish your unintelligent chat session, for other students labouring over term papers are tired of listening to you.

The abuse of this service has reached the point where one can no longer find a computer on campus that is free for academic purposes. The University of Prince Edward Island is situated on a very small campus. | cannot understand - and | have tried -

Computer Services? An e-mail update...at present, all five students in this lab (Main Bldg.) are using e-mail. A sad commentary on the social climate at UPEI. These students cannot even plan to meet their friends on campus. They must instead rely on making comment through the e-mail system. The sheer size of this campus explains everything. Where would one even begin to finda familiar face? There are solutions to this overwhelming problem that is beginning to plague the university. First of all, restrict the amount of time students could access this service at a time. Second of all, limit access to. select computers, such as those located on the ends of the aisles (this is practised successfully at Mt. Allison). A number of upper classmen are also discussing the idea of revoking the freshmen class’s e-mail privileges. As a frosh, | did not have access, and | did not suffer greatly. The fewer computers through which this service is accessible, the greater the number that can be accessed for academic purposes.

sitting there for the past two hours “playing” with electronic mail.

As | bring this column of protest to an end | implore you to take your complaints concerning the misuse of the electronic mail service to computer services located at the AVC. For those of you who have become the subject of this week's snivelling, | am asking you to add a smidgen of compassion to your character and keep your personal e-mail time toa minimum. Maybe with such cooperation and understanding (I am beginning to sound like a Sesame Street actor), we can save ourselves from the depths of e-mail addiction and a very hostile upper classman.

My complaints are drawing to a close, but before shutting down the computer I had to fight for, | would like to bring one more instance of stupidity on our campus to your attention. If you have yet to be told, the students and faculty of Main Bldg. were interrupted with a bomb threat last week. Why? Is this the work of a disgruntled student who could not devise a better scheme to explain his

trials and tribulations ofa twentysomething

why people cannot just agree to meet in person. Is staring blankly at a computer screen more interesting than looking at one of your friends? Surely your friends cannot be that unattractive. What would you do if suddenly this service was abolished? Would you suffer a mild breakdown? Find ahobby? I know, it is a difficult and frightening scenario to imagine.

| have spoken with colleagues from other universities in the Maritimes, and have been informed that at some schools only selected computers have access to electronic mail. What a novel idea. Are you reading this

lam not going to mislead you. As

~ajournalist, that is not my job - itis the

job of those at the Guardian/Patriot (unwarranted attack on city newspapers). | am not going to tell you | have never used e-mail. It is a service we all pay for in student fees. | do, however, try to use it when the labs are not overrun with other students, and | donot write messages to someone sitting across the room. | ask you to please consider the idea that there are students attending this university who are not paying $3000 a year to stand in line waiting for a computer that is being held up by someone who has been

or her absence in afternoon classes? | was given the thrill of missing two classes that afternoon, but ona brutally cold winter’s day, it became an inconvenience, not an adventure. The person who delivered this well- contrived threat to Main Bldg. has too much time on his hands and definitely needs a_ hobby. Maybe the administration could have arts and crafts available for such students.

lam going to stop now, and | will attempt to have some less hostility- induced reporting for the next issue.