ci i fy

PEL STUDEMT MEWSPAPER

E-in-C : thomas LLOYD production manager rebecca SHORTEN copy editor will PATE culture editor brad DEIGHAN news editor nick STEWART sports editor steve MCMANUS reporters jon SMITH robert MacPHERSON Vacant

advertising manager matt O7 HALLORAN

contributers Ryan Gallant Sjors Reijers Ruth Mathiang Joel Meggs Chris Power Andriana Lopez Mack Cameron Sean Brady Belinda Johnson

The Cadre is the official newspaper of the UPEL Student Union. 2,000 copies of The Cadre are print- ed 10 times per semester. There are meetings open to anyone Mondays @ 4:15 and on Fridays @ 1:30 in room 213 in the W.A.Murphy Student Centre. The deadline for submissions is Thursday at midnight. The opinions expressed within The Cadre do not necessarily represent the views of UPEI or the UPEI Student Union Inc.

The Cadre is a full member of Canadian University Press (CUP). The Cadre is represented by Campus Plus for multi-market advertising. Campus Plus can be reached at 1-800-265-5372.

The Cadre

UPE!I 550 University Ave. Charlottetown PE C1A 4P3 Tel: 566-0629 Fax: 566-0979 Ads: upeinewspaper@yahoo.ca

Email: cadread@yahoo.com Room 213 SUB

I went to get an STD test this week, and I was told that all it entailed was to piss in a little cup. That's it. So I made an appoint- ment. It doesn't burn when I piss, I don't have little bugs running around, I don't have open sores. I just feel that STD tests are a good habit to get into.

So.I went and I saw a nurse, and she asked what I was getting done. I told her a STD test, and she worriedly asked if I _ thought I had a STI. I responded "No, but I've never had one done, and I've had unprotected sex with three girls."

She looked at me and was very shocked, and said "Oh my! You can't be doing that, three is way too many and it only takes on mistake and..."

Holy crap I'm glad I didn't tell the truth...

Eventually the doctor came in and talked to me for a bit, and showed me the little cup I had to piss in. This was looking to be very convenient. Then he said "But first why don't you stand up and just drop your pants."

I did so, and he slid a chair up to me and put on reading glass- es. Fuck, this is starting to get awkward.

"First I'm going to check your lymph nodes" he said, and started pressing his fingers deep

e: This is the fourth or fifth

at The Cadre has pub-

tive writing issue. The end of ; not the time for volunteers lot of extra work, so this chance to put in poems

ich otherwise don't make it

, some news at the back, d reading the great stories e are some really good are some that will raise an

one next term. —

into my hips. Now one thing that I am is very very ticklish, especially when I'm nervous. So I'm standing there, not knowing what to do with my arms (put them on my hips, or

My First Exam

behind my back, or twiddle my thumbs?), and his. head is right at my crotch, and I have the biggest grin on my face and am trying to hold back giggles. And then I got the idea of being ticklish in my brain.

So after my lymph nodes were okay, he precedes to check for tumours in my nuts. And they are sensitive normally, but after having my hips tickled, having a doc roll my nuts around was too much. I had to close my eyes, and take deep breaths. "Everything's okay" I told myself. I was so close to losing my composure, and thought I was about to convulse and break into laughter, and then I'd have to give the doctor a loose wristed slap and say "Stop it! I'm ticklish!"

Yet he finished just in time, and I was relieved. Then out of nowhere he said "I see you've been using a razor here." I thought to myself "Oh my God, he did not just say that." That is that last

UPEI Cadre December 2 2003 page 2

Student Union. But looked forward to it,

thing I want my doctor to say. Then he proceeded to tell me that most of the guys he's seen recently use razors, but in fact it is much better to use clippers.

If you've made it this far in this story, here's my one bit of knowledge that I hope you get from this story. The doctor told me that using a razor on or around your genitals almost always leads to little cuts and knicks, and if you have sex with someone who has a STD it can get in that tiny cut and become a really nasty STI (the ‘I' is for infection).

So there I was, with a doc- tor's head looking for warts or other things. He told me how to piss properly. I'm 22 and I guess I've been doing it wrong all along. I either have to retract my foreskin when I piss, or take dry the tip of my penis off after I take a leak. —

Has anyone in my life ever

- told me that? No. Am I likely to

start following his advice? No, but I'm glad I got it. So then after all the fun of the exam I was finally given the little jar to piss in.

I went to the bathroom,

‘went to piss, and realized that I

had just pissed before I came to the doctor's office.

"Gun shy, eh?"

One of these days it's going to burn when I pee.