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November 15, 1984

I . TUESDAY IS 1 FOR 1

WEDNESDAY NIGHT IS FOR GUYS! SPECIAL PRICES 3 To 10 pm,” }

SATURDAY NIGHTS. , ARE BOMBER NIGHTS!

All this and more at

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SUNDAY NIGHT AT THE MOVIES

STRIPES SILKWOOD Sunday, 7PM

STRIPE GHOST STORY SILKWOOD

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By Dr. Prunesquallor The Return of the Kreap

Alix Kreap wandered the labyrinth of tunnels and catacombs until he had reached his long lost prison cell once more. Home at last!

He had seen The World and was much the wiser for it. This could not be said ‘of the inhabitants of Bizniz, however.

During the years that Alix had been gone, the land of Bizniz had been at war with the nearby land of Bios Faire over who had the oldest floors. Fierce .headbanging duels had decided the victor Aspirin, Inc.

So, while were still

both lands afflicted with rampant headaches, the inhabitants of Artsyland took over. Why? Why not.

Anyway, Alix bored the prison guard to sleep, took the guard’s keys, and escaped from the dungeons

of Memory Hall. He also released the numerous Mystics, Wise Men, and

Engineers who had been stored there. Alix was always the troublemaker.

Meanwhile, Reverend Suun had changed his name to Reverend Sun because he had forgotten how to spell it. He had replaced his Sunnies with even more mindless robotic slaves and was planning to take over the world of fast food, again.

In fact, he planned to take over the ‘ entire Universe of Private Ears Island and produce a

newspaper named after him -- the UPE/ Sun. Horrors!

The present newspaper was called the Newsprint Edition Text Oriented Ex- pression Device, Generally

fables

Accepted Medium, or the NETOED GAM. Pronounce GAM like JAM and you’ve got it. Since this did not look quite right, the Staph changed it to the NETTED GEM. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it?

Getting back to the story, the people of Bizniz did not notice Alix and the Engineers because they had a pub last night at The Pit. So, Alix and the Engineers set out to ex- plore the land.

Just around the same time, Reverend Sun took over Artsyland by sending in his robots for a debate. Since Reverend Sun did not equip his robots with Brains, they could not make a logical response, so the Artsies argued until they were exhausted. Fools. They would have tried to win an argument with a brick.

Meanwhile, the Wise Men in Bizniz were calling upon their knowledge of Wizicks just for the sake of it. The Mystics were on the ground, contemp- lating the universe and/or the ground.

Alix and the Engineers, on the other hand, were busy constructing a gutter so the Iowlifes (non-prep- pies) could have a place to live. Apartments were far too expensive (to build and to rent). Besides who would know the differences?

Reverend Sun then took over the Bios Faire by sending in his robots and threatening to turn all the flowers and plants into nuclear plants. Thus the Bios Faire was conquered by the Reverend’s tech- nology. /'

Reverend Sun and his robots then set off and

were -in Bizniz the next day. Alix and the Engineer

were finished of the gutter and‘ were now installing ‘solar powered street lights that worked only when the sun shined.

When the Engineers saw

the invading robots, they programmed the poor mechanical slaves to lose

sensory-motor coordination. The robots were quickly converted to scrap metal by the resulting jerks and seizures. Thus the term breakdance was coined.

Reverend Sun immediat- ely went insane and spent the rest of his days (every- one knows that the. Sun isn’t up at night) wander- ing from town to town and trying to take over fast food stores. He never succeeded as he was driven off by hordes of angry Froshlings who were working there to finance their Tutiion.

King Dim (you know, the ruler of Bizniz) was impeached and banished when the people assumed he was responsible for the solar powered street lights. Alix Kreap was then de-

clared King Kreap of Bizniz. Alix lived happily ever

after. Why? He eventually found a girl wh0' could stand him. Well, almost happily ever after. You see, he could barely stand her. '

There are two morals to the Fable: MIND YOUR OWN BIZNIZ. Also, DON’T TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD IT’S NOT NICE. Sink your brains into that!

CHOICE. " ARE

Oil in GOD! THESE.,HULTIPLE

GONNA KILL AME-2

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L06ICALLY DEDUCE THE CORRECT ANSVEKS AND

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