OCTOBER 28 ]982

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GOLDIIOCI(S}AND TI-E THREE ENGINEEIS

Yes,you poor dlmb artsies its fable time again on campus and we'll tell you the one about Goldilocks and the three Engineers.

(hoe upon a time, there was a little artsie named Goldilocks, she was a freshette and on her first stroll about the campus she became very disoriented (nothing new for artsies) and became totally lost.

She wandered into the first building she came to which happened to be the Kelley building

where she was met by a dizzy business student. Goldilocks was a h———y little artsie and t?- ought she might indulge in extra-curricular activi— ties. The dizzy business student escorted her in— side but he was too shy (or too stupid) to even touch her and soon Gold— ilocks became very bored and left her impotent little friend and said to him, "You're just too shy (stiffen up) ".

(hoe outside again, she spied the Duffy Science Oenter and very foolishly (artsie , of course) went upstairs to the Biology floor where she came ac— ross two freaked-out Dr. Suzuki Bio bums and they were all smoking and tokin up (real Space

THE

chickens). Little Gold— ilocks turned around

and dashed for the eleva-f tor, she wanted nothing to do with no Bio student (face it who does?). Re— lieved owe in the ele— vator, Goldilocks said "My God: They're weird and creepy."

By now, Goldilocks was all tired out fron these disappointing experiences when the elevator reached first floor, Goldilocks ' peeked inside the Engim: neering room, seeing it empty she crawled upon a drafting table and fell fast asleep.

Three Engineers return— ing to do some late even— ing planning were surpri— sed to find little Goldi— locks sprawled out seduc- tively o1 a drafting table. And in no time they were busy examing her cir- cuits (and fine they were) Awake now was Goldilocks and the Engineers took her up to one of the rooms in Blanchard Hall for a few dozen drinks. The rest figure out yourselves (want a hint? Goldilocks is not h———-y no more her last words were "You Rn- gineers are just rightlli)

Goldilocks was never found or seen again. It is

rumored that she is still

in the Engineers room. (she must like,it)

The moral of our story is "Freshettes don't waste

your time on Bio's, Artsies

ENGINEERS

dizzy Busi's, you'll only be disappointed. Go where satisfaction is guaranteed See an Engineer!

Guido Sanchez

We in the engineering department feel that the standards in this univer- sity campus are becoming dangerously low. Because of this growing problem, we have put todether a new set of entrance exams which We know will upgrade the quality of students coming in to this univer- sity.

w Read each question carefully. An— swer all questions.

Time Limit: 4 hours

Begin Immediately. HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origin to present day, concentrating espec- ially but not exclusively"

‘on its social, political,

economic, religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America, and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific. MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor— blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do no suture until your work _ has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes. PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2; 500 riot—crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.

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BIOIOGY: Create‘life. ~ Estimate the differences in subsequent hmnan ' ' culture if this form of; life had developed 509, millim years earlier '7 ‘ with special attentio'1 to its probable effects on the English Parlimen-

tary system Prove your thesis. . MUSIC: Write a piano (XII-r.

certo. Orchestrate and C perform it with flute and, drum. You will find a piano under vour seat. SOCIOLOGY: Estimate the sociological problems which might acconpany the end of the world. Con— struct an experiement to test your theory. ECDNOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for the refinancing of the nation- al debt. Trace the. pos- sible effects of your plan in the following areas: ‘Cubism, the DonatiSe ' omtraversy, the wave theory of light. Out— line a method for preventing this method from all possible points of view. * ‘

POLITICAL SCIENCE:

There is a red tele— phone on the desk be- side you. Start World War III. Reporton its sociopolitical effects, if any.

PHYSICS: EXplain the 7 nature of matter. Include in your answer an eval-‘- uatioq of the impact of the development of math—” ematics of science.

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