In a move that will go down as one of the most shocking events in the history of print journalism, Frank W. Peterson seized control of The Faction.

Previously writing ‘Eskimo’ jokes for Kicks, Peterson recently came aboard the Faction staff to give his bitter-sweet opin- ions on today’s society.

He became editor-in-chief on Friday, September 29, after he got drunk at the Legion with some old army buddies. “I told them that I would put their picture on the cover if they would help me become editor, so those drunk monkeys got their hunting rifles and we went down to the Faction offices.”

Asked whether any harm came to John Hanson, The Faction’s previous editor, Peterson

said, “Heck, no — but all those men with guns sure scared the pants off him. You should have seen him run! It was just like Christmas!”

As for Peterson’s motiva-

Your editor, Frank W. Peterson

tion for taking over The Faction, he said, “It’s about time somebody put this newspaper [The Faction] in order. This paper /The Faction] has so much potential, but it’s wasted

Frank W. Peterson becomes editor of The Faction

on lame jokes about bologna and Joe Piscopo.”

Peterson went on to add that he would make sure there would be more jokes about piss and Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Seeming to have everything he could possibly want, Peterson is still not satisfied. “Let’s face it, pal. The Faction is a two-bit laugh rag in the middle of a student newspa- per..... Not only that, but you have to fold it [The Faction] backwards to put the pages in their correct order.”

Peterson said some “big things” would be happening i in the near future.

When asked to elaborate, Peterson cryptically answered, “Well for one thing, I wouldn’t drink the water if I were you.”

The former editor, John Hans« as photographed three days be being ejected from The Factic

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