I personally love stories that have no entertainment value whatsoever. The idea of telling a five minute story and having the other person/people so bored they are uncomfortable makes me a lit- tle aroused, I'm not afraid to admit it. I only mention the above information because if as you read this story you get exceptionally bored, know that somewhere I'm feeling pretty good. Probably too good. Anyway, on with the story.

So the age of 15 is a rough time, more hair in new places (God willing), mother-son sex fan- tasies, bullies, pudding cup rings snapping off and losing a whole can of pudding. The usual things. Add in girls and Lord Jesus, there's almost no point in going on. Unless you're comfortable talking to girls, if that's the case then feel free to fuck yourself repeatedly.

Well when I was 15 the hip thing was to get a girl to let you “ your lounge into her mouth. cause could.not.be v with this goal on my —

Ahead into tigworld

vas one girl on. : ek at and she was popular, se since the age of 13 she'd”

Pe dg gepoment was *

sure that'll sone batssen

g lady and I had as much™ ince of lounge kissing this gin dof falling off the face anding i in the lar

holding her as she cried.

tions, I literally had no idé

suddenly in the cock i the proud ip of a set of

Anyhow Rachel (wow ee

did come up again) was a popular 1

myself locked in my room sur- rounded by Dungeons and Dragons sets, and KISS Posters imagining myself tongue kissing random non-Rachel girls. Because

First Kiss

I was nothing if not a realist. So

‘imagine my shock when Rachel

showed up knocking on my door bawling her pretty little eyes out. It seems that Rachel's grandma was the unfortunate recipient of a tainted McHamburger and was now in the process of becoming six feet under. Understandably Rachel was pretty bummed out about this. So bummed in fact she probably

wouldn't approve of me saying

bummed. But I'm my own man and that's what I'll say. Point being she was bummed enough to end up sitting on a bench in our neigh- bourhood park with me beside her

bs

Now from my room at I am a loser of epic prog was supposed to do wi

grain a thought leapt "KISS HER

hould have ignore natural instinct led: | zoned | in and kissed fider- her aa eye

stop. I was truly all males at this point in my you life. Then just as quickly I wa

UPEI Cadre December 2 2003 page 11

As I kissed her on the lips she pressed forward against me, seemingly telling me to move for- ward, so I stuck out my tongue. She responded by biting my tongue as hard as she could.

Allow me to restate that. She bit my tongue as hard as she could.

Needless to say this hurt. A fair bit actually. Especially when I saw Rachel spit out the end of my tongue. That actually made it hurt a lot more oddly enough.

_ As I sat there in shock and pain, I couldn't even attempt to verbalize anything, half because | was so shocked and half because half of my tongue was bit off. It was at this point that the next crazy thing happened although I'm a little too close to the story to judge which was crazier.

I felt the ground shake below me and as I looked down (and continued to bleed of course) I realized that my feet were lifting up off the ground. This did little to

description I hope you can s mise tc