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THAT GOLD SERVICE.

A Few Remarks Victoria's

Apropos of Queen Dianer Set.

The picturesque romancer who sends

out the stuff about Willie Kaiser's visit to the queen says \n his cheery offhand manner that grandma’s table serve

’ ’

js of solid gold and worth $10,000,000,

rhis is a large sum even for a full set, as it would be a good night school ex- ercise to figure what the individual

butter plates would come to If the gold teapot was marke! down to $99,999.

It isn’t the sort of set either that the queen would care ‘o put out before the

kind of women wo have the souvenir habit. If she gave that sort of a din- per party, shed probably wart to

dress the coachman up as a butler and then have him stand at the door and search the guests as they passed out. It wouldn't do to take many careless chances with pie plates at $7,210 apiece. There are people who would be so overcome by this sort of display that they'd probably try to bite chunks out of the $4,900 finger bowls.

At the same time there is one thing you don’t have to worry so much about if you own a goid set like the queen’s— there isn’t so much danger that the hired girl will smash it up. On the other hand, it wouldn't be easy to take a dent in an $11,450 creain pitcher out of her week's wages. You can’t dropa $37,600 soup plate in the kitchen sink very many times without its showing the effects of the fall.

That's the great trouble with gold— it's so ductile. We never liked it on the table on tha? account. Good old stoneware china may not take so high a polish, but we use it in place of gold every time.

ver Love,

1e—Oh, dese m Pe be wuz just burnil —New York Journ:1l.

n, dese men! Dere is wot told me all summer dat up wid love fer me!

Cheated by Fate and His Wife.

“What are you doing?’ asked starving novelist’s wife.

“I’m hunting for that story I wrote several years ago—the one that was declined by all the publishers,” he re plied. “Do you know where it is?’

“I sold it to the paper rag man,” the guilty woman adniitted.

‘*Alas,” the wret ed, “you have robved me of fame fortune! If I had that story could announce tiiat the were historical c¢ guised end achieve

—Chicago Times-I

the

and now I » people in it aracters thinly dis- success at a bound.” ewvald.

—_—— |

Depends,

“If you are troubled with wakeful- ness, count slowly in your mind, and you'll generally be asleep before you reach 300.”

“That won't alwys work. I counted 3,000 the other nizht and was wider awake at the end «f it than when I be gan.”

“Did you have your eyes shut?’

“Well, no. You can’t very well walk with a baby and count your steps with, out keeping your eyes open.”—Chicago Tribune.

—— > Bowe

How much business can a man do

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Wednesday is = —Embroidery Day

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COME EARLY The Busiest White Wear Store,

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BOARDING His CHAFT.

And the Enemy Was Forced to Re- tire Ingloriously.

Through negotiations conducted be- tween an eastern attorney and a local real estate man, one of the old school captains, who had sailed the waters salt and fresh, purchased a pretty rest- dence in the northern part of the city. He happened to come on while the agent was superintending some im- provements to the property.

“Ahoy!” hailed the captain as he hove in sight. “That’s her, hey? And a tidy lookin craft she is! Good hold- in ground, too, for the man as would east anchor to stay till final orders. Pardon, sir, for not firin a salute an dippin the ensign, sir. We'll crack a bottle over the capstan, me hearty, an then the rules has got to be observed, sir, for even an old hulk like meself is Hable to take a consort.”

Naturally enough, the agent thought the captain was drunk and was indis- creet enough to say so.

“What!” shouted the authorized in- vader. “Won't let me pass? Order me to veil me topsails! Run athwart my hawser, will you? Blither me optics, if I hain’t tempted to run you down, you Fourth of July cockboat an tootin a landlubber’s horn!”

“Move on, now!”

“Move on? Me! With the admiral’s permit in me pocket? Me! Move on for a soft shell picaroon an without fir- in a broadside? I'll board me craft if I have to shoot all yer standin riggin away! I’d like to have the teachin of you on a year’s cruise, you chicken gaited swab with a thinker as foggy as the banks of Newfoundland! Clew up now, for I have the orders!” And he dramatically produced the deeds. ©

“I throwed the grapplin hooks with- out a blow struck,” tells the captain, “an the agent made his proper excuses for not understandin English.”—De- troit Free Press.

Has Changed His Mind Since,

First Officer (to very young subaltern who is packing his kit for South Afri- ca)—What on earth do you want W ith all those polo sticks?

Subaltern—Well, I thought we should get our fighting done by luncheon time, and then we should have the after- noons to ourselves and could get a game of polo.—Punch.

Mystified.

“Mamma, my birthday comes this year on Monday, doesn’t it?”

“Yes, dear.”

“And last year it was on Sunday, wasn’t it?’

“Yes, dear.”

“Did it come on Saturday the year before last?’

“Yes, dear.”

“Mamma, hovy many days in the week was I born on?’—Chicago Trik- une.

An Exverienced Retreater.

“Do you regard a standing army as a public danger?’ asked the man who precipitates inopportune discussions.

“I don’t believe there is any such thing,” answered the Filipino soldier. “All the armies I ever saw were going at full speed. It was all I could do te keep ahead of ’em.’

One Last Request.

“After I am gone,” said the turkey to his wife and family gathered around him in the coop, “won’t you please see to it that they don’t make soup out of what’s left of me for next Sunday's dinner? I can stand all but that with- out flinching.’’—Detroit Free Press.

Valuation. “J am afraid you don’t appreciate popularity at its full value.” “I ought to be able to,” rejoined Senator Sorghum. “I have paid for enough of it.”

Training the Baby. “Oh, ma, come up here quick!” “What's the matter, Tommy?’ “Bobby’s playin circus, and he’s goin to make the baby dive off th’ mantel.” —Indianapolis Journal.

nen

Geese eeeeeneeseerenteen

Gold Crown and Bridge Work,

(Teetn Without Plates)

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—Prices.— ~ wt : DR. J. P. MURRAY

OFFI E TO LET.—A comfortable office in

the Stamper Block. Apply to Prowse Bres.