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The Bathroom Edition: Part I

speed or amount of water that sprays into the sink, often with

' sporadic rage. Plus there are also

So you may be asking yourself, "What the hell are these guys doing writing about bathrooms? Don’t they know that I rely on this column for all my weekly news?" First of all, that is very, very sad. Secondly, this issue should matter to you. Studies show that the average person spends about 7 years in the bathroom over the span of their lifetime. This should astound most readers because a) 7 years is a long time to spend on the can, and b) because I just came up with this figure off the top of my head. .

Either way, my good friend Adam Carragher and I have taken time out of our incredibly busy social lives to inspect 35 bathrooms here on campus. These are their sto- ries.

Our journey begins in the Sports Centre. One glaring finding of our survey was that every bathroom seems to have its own character, Specific to the function that it serves. For example, the men’s locker room bathroom practically reeks of testosterone. First of all, it doesn’t have a door, seeming to declare with a great deal of machismo; "Door? I don’t need no damn door." These washrooms have always freaked me out a bit. Other than the obvious lack of a door, the taps suck, and seem to have no real control over the

always some random 50 year old naked guys roaming around. This bathroom, yes, is odd, but was not bad enough overall to make it onto the list of the worst bath- rooms on campus, a list that we will reveal in this column next week.

The bathrooms in the Nursing Faculty were pretty hard to find and did not seem to want to accommodate men very well. Sure, there were two bathrooms, but only the women’s bathroom was designated to a specific gen- der. The only way guys are able to answer the call of nature in this Faculty is to use a unisex bath- room that is wedged in a corner

between a Doritos machine and a -

photocopier. No wonder men

_ don’t want to be nurses. So unless

you like a snack when you’re in the lavatory, or enjoy photocopy- ing your ass once in awhile, these facilities are not for you. In addi- tion, it smelled like a dentists’ office. This bathroom garnered top marks as the hardest to find, and is without a doubt the most sexist bathroom at UPEI.

Dalton Hall has the weirdest mix of bathrooms on earth. The build- ing is weird enough, with the Rustico wharf of a wheelchair ramp out front, and the multiple signs on the front door warning you to not smoke and to ‘Watch out for icicles,’ and to ‘Try not to

kill people with your allergens.’ The washroom on the top floor has a sign on the door as well. This one warns: "Knock first, then lock the door behind you." Like it’s part of some crazy bath- room cult. The ground-floor bath- room also exemplifies washroom paranoia. There are at least four signs in this bathroom, warning you to do all sorts of things, from not flushing paper towel down the toilet to getting your regular flu shots. One sign notes: "In effort to curb another outbreak of SARS, may we remind you to get a flu shot, and to wash your hands

often." This should be your first.

clue that Dalton Hall is NOT a science faculty building. 1) SARS has never reached P.E.I., and any renewed outbreak has been con- fined. to Beijing. 2) You should probably be washing your hands anyway, seeing as this building has a foods lab and 3) Flu shots do not protect you against SARS. They protect you against the flu. Hence the name.

The bathrooms of Main are known for their spacious comfort and modernity. However on the day we conducted our survey, the strong smell of cannabis was apparent in one of the bathrooms. So this is an Arts building I’m guessing? In the basement bath- room, a political debate has been

raging on the walls for years. An _anti-pesticide sticker is stuck to

the mirror, and one stall has been ravaged with graffiti. One stall user has hailed bodily functions

UPEI Cadre March 2, 2004 page 11

as being "petty bourgeoisie" and

orders everyone to "stop pissing for the man", while others sing the praises of corporate and capitalist society, often with crudely drawn cartoons. (Viewer Discretion is Advised.) Others have ignored the

ideological debate and have resorted to writing out passages of biblical scripture. Though a bit out of the way, this bathroom is without a doubt the most enter- taining one on campus.

Memorial Hall has some interest- ing ideas on how to organize a bathroom as well. In this wash- room, the urinals are located in their own little room with a Swinging door covering about one-third of its entrance. For all you ladies who may unfamiliar with normal urinal placement, this arrangement is highly unortho- dox. These urinals are like 2 inch- es apart, seeming to ignore the ample amount of space presented in this ‘urinal room’. This room and these doors seem to serve no logical purpose. Be it coincidental or not, Memorial happens to be home to the Faculty’ of Psychology, and this bathroom concept seems to serve no other purpose than to screw with one’s mind. Maybe you have to see it to know what we mean, but this place is really frigging weird.

Stay tuned next week to find out the absolute worst bathrooms here

on campus.

Have a good one!