Page 13. | | ) Humour

Nov. 16, 2007

By Ryan Miller

FACT: Ken dolls were not sold in India until recently, as Barbie and Ken clashed with the traditional Indian idea of arranged marriage.

OPINION: Come on! They were made for each other!

FACT: In 1989, twenty-three peo- ple were hired in Jacksonville Florida just to flush toilets so the pipes would not freeze.

OPINION: I'm not sure which is more worrisome: that people were hired to flush toilets, or that they were hired to prevent pipes from freezing in Florida.

FACT: On average, a disposable

Fact and opinion

diaper can hold up to 7 pounds of liquid.

OPINION: If your baby is shit- ting more than it weighed when it was born, call the doctor.

FACT: Research indicates that babies who use pacifiers are more prone to ear aches.

OPINION: Perhaps you should stop jamming the soothers in their ears.

FACT: Children who are breast fed tend to have an IQ seven points higher than children who are not.

OPINION: I've been saying it for years: titties for learning.

FACT: Each year in America

there are pi 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity.

OPINION: Some are heart attacks; some are little people being squished.

FACT: Ninety percent of the pop- ulation has an innie belly button.

OPINION: It's because outies are medically proven to be gross.

FACT: Scientists say that babies that are breastfed are more likely to be slimmer as adults than those that are not breastfed.

OPINION: I've been saying it for years: titties for weight loss.

FACT: Alcohol beverages have all 13 minerals necessary for human life.

OPINION: Thanks, | really need- ed another reason to drink.

FACT: Sex burns about 70-120 calories for a 130 pound woman, and 77 to 155 calories for a 170 pound man every hour.

OPINION: I'm good for about 12 calories a go, give or take.

FACT: The sensitivity of a woman's middle finger is reduced during menstruation.

OPINION: That's kind of funny, because I find that's when they use the middle finger the most.

FACT: Breastfeeding protects against osteoporosis. é

OPINION: I've been saying it for years: titties for bones.

Wrong answer

Midterms are still looming but the light at the end of the tunnel is inside a pumpkin. I love Halloween. The parties are awesome and it is your safest chance to dance with the devil, witch, cop etc. Remember look both ways before crossing the street to trick or treat.

1. Matthew Good was awesome because...

a. Acoustic rocks so do his songs b. He played for almost 2 hours

c. I got my picture with him on his bus d. Who ever thought he would come to P.E.I.

2. MG could have been better if...

a. There wasn't this creepy old guy, who was smashed, hitting on everyone

b. Everyone wore deodorant or cologne/perfume, even if it is a knock-off

c. It didn't rain

d. I didn't miss Two Hours Traffic, sorry Andy Mac 3. After Listening to Sue Johanson... a. I wish I wasn't waiting till marriage _ b. Reread chapter 4 of the Kama Sutra . Visited Afternoon Delight the store (great song)

c d. My girlfriend and I left after ten minutes, draw your own assumptions

4. Pamela Anderson recently was married again. Her best husband so far has been... a. That guy from Motley Crue, Tommy Lee,

b. Kid Rock, at least they didn't have kids together

c Borat "I like a you. You like me?"

5. Things Al Gore will win/accomplish/receive but GW won't...

a. A Noble Peace Prize b. An Academy Award:

c. Successfully finish "My Pet Goat" d. Win the majority of the popular support in the 2000 election 6. The throne speech was televised and...

a. What a wimpy looking throne b. No commercials”

c. The commercials would have been more entertaining

d. Can we just have an election, it has been over a year already 7. University movies you could never shoot at UPEIL...

a. The Skulls: no rowing team or secret societies, or are there

b. Van Wilder: no one working for the newspaper is as hot as Tara Reid

c. Animal House: well maybe they could, I love toga parties

d. Old School: we need a quad

8. My class was sweet today because...(this mainly applies to Arts students, sure after four years the job potential is low but, what a great time )

a. We watched a movie

b. The prof brought in some great music

a. My procrastination plan is working well b. I need another Thanksgiving, I'm glad I'm American

c. My alcohol budget is slim

d. Halloween is going to be awesome

10. Halloween costumes that will get you in trouble... a. Anything Hitleresque, actually wearing anything that resembles a military dic in general b. A KKK uniform, if you are trying to be Casper bring a sign c. A pedophile... just wrong I mean for this the costume requirement is minimal d. Just make sure Halloween isn't a last minute decision get creative and have fun.