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._m_y__‘¢:_¢ar,». lam nsnpeek ,xy §,¢Q;_§,__,______,________

ed he‘:"h _ d, wit ‘u ua pw. "I wouldn't want any boy of minc'to be so foolish as to regard it as a joke." .,

_Country Girl (addressing rohuat trump)-Why dou‘t you go t_o_work?

Trump (looking hungrlly around)-I

would if I had the tools. _ ~Country Girl-What sort of tools do you want? . -

Tramp-Knife and fork.

His Worship'-“I must really make

an example of you-you are hers so often." Prisoner-"Don‘t be too far! n m 'v'nor ou sin’t 'sd any

sn-.raiser 'rar1ah_i’~-s1_s.va;s.'§ls so With'-K i th9. éllttlhligdi _For sheltd,`~»Q nd viewm- And puttingun s deal or "side,"

Remarked to,Lndy_‘- Thruslrvvith pride,

"lily dear, _‘tls,ali for you." ‘

_ Hii lad? t'\`ll"|iéd`a kiliwlll . iiixplored the soft and d

Then with a ldok of pain, _ She drevg the curtain'-lsl1Q|__aaide. And said in tunes that seemed Yoechide

"Oh, darling. green again!" _ -~A‘.W.{_n the Daily fflliinicle.

It wss s `very' cola morning,_and a

young msn was stamping about the slitting room of his lodgings.-Minn the

o P til 2 Y ._ - _ _ tmame' with me for 1s moans. »way.i ilefiiliiy lPP°°=°4 'mi W '“’°"‘

l only came out this morning."

He was sn earnst medical student

and he called at the house of his future !ather»in-law.

"I just came." he said, "to ask simp-

ly as n formality, whether there is any

insanity in your fnmlli."

"There must be," w I the cold and

dcliberute answer.

Unfortunate.

There was a ferocious scowl on the

brow of the stranger who built un eeremonionsiy into the editorial sanc- tum of n Belfast newspaper the other day.

"I am told you wrote this notice of

fsst. ‘i "I see the glass has fallen again." I “The what, sir?"

“The barometer has fallen again," he

_\repeated. _ ‘ "Wea, sir, tr it mu," reviled the -ilady, “lt mast have been the cat, for 'I’m sure I hnven’t meddled with it."

lmportnd.

The dentist ~was examining Mrs.

Flnnnignn's teeth: “What a splendid set of teeth you have. Mrs. Flan_nigan." he remarked. "Sure, they ought to be line, they are imported." she replied. “lmportedl” exclaimed thi dentist, Inrnssed. "Why, what do you menu? They're your own teeth." -_ ,

my lecture on ‘The Demon Drink? “B t l'm telling ye they're imported

he remarked sternly. _

“l did." was the calm reply. "Then pcrbnpsyou’llhe good enough

to explain what you menn by stating that the lecturer was full of his sub- ject..

‘My 'h0§',' stlitl the principal of the

hrm to the prospective oiilr_°e~troy. "I liiiv Yfilii' f\liI‘<‘iii'unve and your manner. I think you may do for the -place. Did You l>rini_~' a character?"

"No. sir." replied the boy, “I could

go home and get lt."

“Very well. come .back tomorrow

--from Ireland along with msldf."

3 - E!aotIy.' , _ I A stout woman emerged from a Lon- [don underground ststion and accident- ;nllv fell over a brush. whirb had been

-' . ' . F‘"""‘ 0"" , left standing in the vicinity by a care-

gless street cleaner.

Not thrco fe-et from thc spot stood n

large si;-:aboard displaying a tooth-

"\"omes out ot tube and lies hat on the brush." . "'

morning with it, and if it is satistac-i*A mn" “early M yea" nf an wuk-

tvrv I will cottage you st once.”

Late that atternoon the candidate

returned. .

“WelI." said the Hnanclcr, “haveyou

got your character?"

"No," answered the boy. "but l've

got yours; nn' l ain't coming!"

One afternoon a stronger debsrked

from the train at a bustling town in the West and headed up the street. Finally he met n man who looked like I native.

"Pardon me," said the stranger, “are

you a resident of this town?"

"Yes, sir." was the ready rejolndcr

of the other. "I have been here some- thing like titty years. What can I do lor you?" -

"I am looking tor»a criminal lsw~

yer." responded the'strsnger. “Have you one here?"

"Well," said the native, redectively.

"we think we have, but we can't prove It on him."

_ Teething 'Drtiubles

£Baby’s teething timels a timsoi

worry and anxiety to most mothers. ,The little ones become croe-3; peev- lsh; their little stomach -becomes deranged and constipation and coiic sets in. To-make the teething period easy on baby the stomach and bowels mint be kept sweet, and regular. This can be_don_e _bY '_'-_he jilse of Baby’s Own Tablets-the ideal laxative lor little ones. The iliablets are a sure relief for all the minor ailments of childhood

tell ten miles-from his home to sn sd- ljoining town. When he reached his 'destination he was greeted with some

'astonishment by an acqqaintvce. ._ i "You walked all the way?" he lst- ter exclaimed. “Bow did you Ri along?" ' i “0h, drst rate." the old man replied. |"that-ls, until I came to s sign ‘Slow ‘down to iii miles nn hour! That kept ,me back a bit."

Q (‘ounsel_.(examinipg his witnessii- l“i`ou sayiyou hoard the shots Bred?" | Witness: "Yes, sir."

“How near were you to the scene of

the aihny?"

"At the tirst shot I was about ten

‘feet-from the»msn who ured." X f‘Ten feet? Well,_now tell _the court iwhere you were when the second shot iwas fired."

"I didn't measure the distance." “Speaking approximately, how far

'should you say?" ‘ “W1-ll. I should tblsk that it would ‘be about half a mile!"

The dentist was telling about his

_plucklest patient( *1Be"canie lh\o"t‘§e

surgerygmd. begs* immediately to tell _me its had no tart in gss, ether or ¢o= ‘cuine. “The tooth's been giving me an lawful lot or trouble." he sam, -'sau ‘nil you've got to do is hunk it otibl- lhunk lt out." l congratulated him on 'his pluck. and asked him to s_lt down Jr; the ch:;ir. “Oh _no!" the excllimsg. t‘s not, or me- t's' ’ or my wi . ‘Hhe's its the wetting room." _ . _ ., “__ __

| :'_,

_ A Southern negro minister who was

toad of hlg words and _complicated dig course was waited upon by the churc

such as constipation. colic, indiges-‘committee and told that his styls or

tion, colds and simple fevens. They always do good-never harm. The .'.'('.ablets are sold by medicine deal- ers or by mail at 25 cents as box from The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., Brookville, Ont,

I ` I

preaching was not all that could be desired.

‘*Ilon’t I lllrify and sputilyl" lu- i d ll luis

qu re t e In ter.

“Yes, yo' done agrify and sputify,”

responded s member of the committee, 'but yo' don't shovr wherein." '_

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puste advertisement. which read: -_

-s as

: A _ film _ ssgl,g§kQdl,*if.,ha_¢q _: ' -shown some parrots: _

shopkeeper-“‘_l_Jb you requires par-w

rot that talks. _*_ "_ _`

Customer-‘ Ea' de 't stu . t’a tor my .wife's3’ vwontiiez-s chance.”

"I heard s queer 'story about that mountain--over yonder from our coach-‘ man today.” f- ` ~waa¢'w_sstnat1""- ' " ' "‘A -young lady and gentle'i§ian‘ went out for a walk on that liill; they went' no iiioherand hisher. -and +- never rams 'back again." ~ `- _ ` ‘ “Dear me! what became of the un-' happy pair?" '- 1

"'l‘hey went down on the other side."

Mother-lily boy certainly grows

more like his father every day.

Nsighhor~Does he. nowl Have you

tried everything?

Author-"Have you read. my new

booki” _

Friend-"Yes." _ Author-"What do you think of lt?" Friend-"Well, to be candid with

you, I think the covers are too far apart."

The small boy's parents had distinct

ldess of discipline. The walls of the sitting room were lined with tracts, sud the cane was always kept behind "Love one another."

One day everything went wrong. and

the little hoy wss whipped eight times.

After the eighth cauing he said he-

tween his sohs: “D-o-don't you think it's t-time to tske the cane from be- hind ‘L-love one another! and put lt behind ‘I n~need Thee every hour?"

An elderly msn ol ultra-convlvisl

habits. _but withal learned and bookish. was hauled before the bar of justice in a country town.

“Ye're charged with bein' drunk and

disorderly." snapped the magistrate. “Have ye anything to ssy why sen- renee should not be prouounceddi"

"ilan's inhumsnity to msn makes

countless thousands mourn." began the prisoner in s tilght of orstory. "I am not so dehased ss Poe, so proilllgate as Byron. so ungrateful ss Keats. so ln- temperste as-Burns, so timid as 'l'enny_ sou. so vuisar as Shakespeare, so-"

"'I‘hat’ll..do, that'li do," interrupted

the magistrate. “Ninety days. ,And. odicer. take-.down that list of names he mentioned and round 'em ap. I think they‘r¢ as had as he is."

'l‘h'e- local all-round sportlmsn mst

with his Ishlng tackle. Stopping,'they talked for sffmoment, 'snd_,th`ent the sportsmsn. who_prided himself on -he- ing a great angler, and often said so, inquired: _

“I-Iailo. vicar! Any lucid" , "Yes," replied the vicar. tapping his

basket, "‘l have a trout in~-herei- a pound sud s half-that I pulled out from-the Lower Brook." .

“0h, thst's nothing." brsgged the

other. swelling out his chest. ~"l’ve ‘caught doseus of 'iish of two pounds sud other in'thst stream." _

'°Ah. but you_have the advantage of

me," complained the vicar.

“Advsntagel Advantage. vicar?" x-

clsiniecl the sporty one. “Same husk. and you have better gear."

"I know that," retorted the reverend

gentleman. "But you~muat remember

N an-a -soo _

the vipsr, ‘who was returning holla

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Prisoner: “wot mel' I never been in quod before."

-London Opinion.

' ` qsltrstsssss.

"Jock, Jock," said tha tsrmsr's wife

to s hsrdboy. "come in to your psr- rltch, the tiles are drowning themselves lu the milk." "Nao fesrsé' said Joel. "they will wade throslh it-" “YW litlib rascal? Do you.ssy you diana Kei Gli- ough mllkl" "Ou aye, plenty tor the parritch." -

` A - prosperous' looking commercial traveller entered the oilice of a iner- ohsnt to whom he had sold his new "Filling System," a short while before. "Good morning, Mr. Hobbs," said heiu at genial way. “And how is the 'Filling System’ vvorlti|\g?" "Great," said the merchant. "Good," said the agent, rub- bing his hands. “And how is business?" “BusinessY" echoed the merchsnt."‘0h.

the tiling system."

street one day.. andthought he would he funny st'his expense.

“Huilo, Pat." he said. "I‘ll give you

eighteenpenee _ tor s shilling."

“Will ye, uow," says Pat. 1 “\'¢s."_reoiiqd the was- . _ » . mt- handed _over the _shilling sud; reg.

ceivedlsighpsncein return. `

“Eight in pence," said the wsi- “NM

had. is it 7”

"No," answered _Pst, "but the shill-

lng\I gave you is." -

f- =f _ -»- A certsin\_bainter had lost his mind

and had to be condned in an ssyivsm- ’l‘o his visitors he sayl:--

“Look st this; it is my latest mas~ terpiecsi" . They look _and lee nothilll but All

expanse of bars canvas. They fssk “What does that represent!" » 1

"Thstt Why, that represents thopas- ssge of the Israelites through the led, Sea."

"Beg pardon. but where is the seal" “lt has been driven hack."

"And where are the lsrselttesi" “They have crossed over." _ "And where are the lgyptiansi"_ _ “They will be here directly. 'l‘hat's

the sort of painting I like-simple and

that I sm n parson and you're not." '

'-A noted vrsg met sn firishmsu in thel

, A small boy was watching a chemin analyse some water.

“What srrldyou doing with the wat-

er?" he ss . ° “Analysing it," replied the chemist.

h“And whst'l that?" persisted the oy. _ "Finding out what it ls composed

of." explained the' chemist. "‘And what is it composed of?" quvr- ied the boy. '

“Two-thirds hydrogen and one-third

oxygen."

The youngster looked in surprise at

the chemist.

“Ala't there no water in it?"

A Dangerous Remark

we've stopped business to attcnd to' '7"“"`”' C““°m°"-R°“"~"- Mf-

Smithors. vou get denrer' and <l.~.lrnr every dsyl

Grocer-Not so Joud, ma'an\. My

wife’s very Jealonsl

hs-1;

A lssiskt rspu

. Teacher#-Cen-any one tell mtfhow mscurenio is mnvde? ~~X~ohaay-j-First you rake a mg long hole. and then"you wrap some dough around it. `

'OSHF-I

'Lost-elle 'last Wlad

Au Irish -maid-esma to her mistress

snd.ssid: "I‘aith,.-l|s'am, 'tis sorry l lm but l'll ba troublin' ye for me wages. l’m~l'avin' the day."

The mistress -pressed her for u roa-

son. ' ‘ "1‘1‘ls scored of the master, l am, ha's'tlst 'qusre in hlsfhead." -"Why. lsry, what on earth do you mein!" '

“Well ms'sm. ’t,wss just yisterflay

that l x.|un_d_,him on his knees. llf- was peerin' hers and pserin' there. ana 1 says to him, “Kiu'l hilp ye, sor?" An' thin ha; says to me.~he. says: ‘\'ls. i`m lqokini fur _tho Red Dragon sn' the lost Wind. _Kln_ys see thim any- _W_lttl\l"_ Al' I0, llil’lm, ye’ll plazo he

_ _ _ unpretentious." _ __ V _

livin’ me my vvsgei, for i‘m scared to stay."

mmvorso or nafrnan `

V -'By GEO, MGMANUS

e+»r_e_AR~a _ 'LDa'1'm=oa't't.iNE'~

_ LOST

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