The Cadre

22 +10 February 1998 unMitiGaTeD A.daclt¥ Valentines, Here’s A New Approseh for thé Snugglebunny Search SE hmnalentines

Unless the numerous store displays around town have been lying to me, it’s rapidly approaching Valentine's Day. And since it is so, Im sure that there are plenty of folks out there who will be “celebrating” the day all by their lonesomes and feeling miserable. For some of us, the whole rigamarole of finding that “special someone” isa royal pain -- getting dolled up, going to bars, socializing, and the like is so intimidating that loneliness seems preferable to risking rejection.

It doesn't have to be this wy anymore!

An associate of mine one told me that if you don’t like the game, change the rules. And ina fitof inspiration, itdawned on me that this axiom doesn’t just apply tocards, but the romance game as well. And with that, I figured that all that us lonely ve to do is change the rules to fit our strengths, and happiness will follow. So anyone suffering from a lack of confidence should read on, and perhaps these tips will help you find Ms/Mr Right:

Visit the Red Cross: Blood drives have got to be the most underused method of meeting people out there today. Just think about it, le: you go in and there’s dozens of others in the room either waiting to get bled or already have the tubes in their arms. It’s a captive audience, and all you have to do is manoeuvre yourself into an ideal area (most likely the sofa or chair closest to your target) and shift into gear. There’s nothing for either of you to do during the bleeding session, so conversation seems to be a logical activity, wherein you can gain some

round Tend think of the opportunity for creative come-ons: “so, ‘ype O negative, huh?”). It’s the perfect set-up: when your target is getting drained, they’re hooked up and can’t run away from you unless they want to leak plasma all over the room, a complete plus. Another positive is that by the end of their session, your mark will be dizzy from the loss of blood, thus clouding their judgement and making it more likely that they’ II agree to go out with you later.

Hit the local immigra- tion offices: Simply dress up really nice and assume the role ofan immigration officer, pick a target and get to work; de- scribe yourself as their “per- sonal liaison to Canadianization” (or some

ually pompous, bureaucratic title) and escort around

Soy 4 .

town, take ‘em to lunch, and SK Eee tell them to contact you if BQO, Je there’s any concerns (of ? yOOY ey) course, emphasize that “con- LE A fh cerns” can include everyday PE 7h stuff like the sun going down ee A: AL at night brings out the were- > VW STALL A wolves or the dust collecting d a LM on their shelves is really radio-

active and you just happen to

have a decontamination kit).

Knowing a language other than

English is not for

necessary this ploy. In fact, unilingualism may be more to your advan- tage in the short term. Of course, if your mark under- stands English, you may have some explaining to do.

De-toxification centres are a gold mine: The real trick here is to get past the guar and nurses. But once that’s done, it’s merely a matter of creativity - if is withden wal syeapsimns, GEIS >On Sienna Ee a a ) them get clean by af eater -out Sete ifthers already de-to: ye by afew process e re the steps set out in the immigeation scale, only. change your title and expacsteapask teglieh.

Of course, these schemes are not guaranteed to work. Plus, | accept NO responsibility should anyone actually give ‘em a shot.

- Ross Williams, who hopes his Russian mail-order bride will arrive any day now.

It’s that time of year again, when, to quote the cheesy/sleazy Tom Jones: “Love is in the air”. We’re all feeling alittle more mushy and lovey-dovey toward that spe- cial someone in our lives, mak- ing plans for a romantic can- dlelight dinner ae arplums dancing in our (oops... wrong holiday). This soap-opera scenario is hardly the case for the majority of the population, however. Sad, but true, the feeling of l-o-v-e does not live up to its universal sta- tus. Valentines’s Day is notall candies and roses, especially if you’ re single and find your- self alone and lonesome this Saturday night. Yet, not to fret, there is no need to mope and feel like a dope.

Whether or not you have a significant other in your life should have no impact what- soever on your feeling of self- worth.

This weekend I encour- age you all to be your own valentine and get to know your- selfa little better. Nottosound like a self-help novelist, what I am suggesting is that you spend some time by yourself and sa-

vour in the solitude. Learning the art of enjoying one’s own company can be a truly hap- pening event. It’s a scary world out there some days, and if you can be independent and be your own best friend you'll spend a lot less time, wasted, searching for some- one else. After all, the best things always when we’ re too busy not ing.

So, go ahead and do what you like todo, and do it with no one, and for no one, but your- self. Take a bath. Go for a hike. Snuggle with your dog/ cat. C up the stereo and boogie by yourself in the base- ment. Buy yourself some fine chocolates and eat them all by your damn fine self. And, if you do have a sweetie near and dear to your hearth, by all means give ‘em lots of love and affection; likewise, if you've got your eye on a cer- tain hottie, now’s the time to throw way those stinkin’ inhi- bitions and make that bold first move. But, above and beyond all that, do try and love your- self a little more. Your heart will thank you in the end.

X0X0, Cupid