sre Oy hee Te Wa eke ACEO) orks

Ask The Doctor

What’s Up Doc?... Wouldn’t You Like To Know!

I hope that all of the students of U.P.E.I. have hada wonderful ‘‘study’’ week; that you will have all recovered and be ready to finish this term by NEXT week. I hada great break, but I kept asking myself the same annoying question: ‘‘Why did Geraldo Rivera get liposuction on his butt and then use that fat for collagen projections on his face?’’ I think that there is a thesis paper in this somewhere, but we will have to wait and see, won’t we?

Dear Doctor,

I have an insignificant little question that I was hop- ing you might be able to answer in a few lines for me: Is there life after death or are we all heading towards a big long sleep with worms and maggots who are thirsty for our rotting flesh?

Signed, Just Curious

Dear Curious,

Whata silly question! I would like to say that I believe that there is a nice big white place called ‘“Heaven’’ where everybody runs around in kinky togas, sips cocktails and listens to Elvis (Stoiko, of course) sing love songs, but I can’t. In fact, I think that life after death is a much more ethereal experi- ence, where human souls intertwine in peace and harmony. This is, to me, amuch more attractive alternative to flying around dressed like Julius Caesar and having illicit sex when you know God is RE- ALLY watching you. But then again, the idea ofa big long sleep where worms and maggots are salivat- ing over my rotting flesh, kind of turns me on too! The Doctor

Dear *‘Doctor’’,

I would just like to write you a letter to tell you how much your Valentine’s Day column (February 14- 1992, Signed Mary) offended me. I don’t really think that it was very appropriate for the X-Press to print such filth. I especially did not like the comments about sex being a big part of the social atmosphere

here at the university. This isa place of learning, not a brothel.

Signed, An Offended Womyn

Dear Annoying Person, Geta life, PLEASSSE! While | will admit that my column was a wee bit risque that week, it was still in

good fun and I don’t see how youcould be offended as anlace of learn-

by it The idea of the university D UPEI X-P RESS

leads to an exchange of bodily fluids and intense

March 5, 1992

ing 1s an amusing one, but for the sake of this argu- ment, we will assume that it is a plausible one. Dogs this mean that physical stimulation concurring be- ~ tween two or more living or non-living objects whi h

relaxation (sex, for those who are lost) does not have a place in this ‘‘place of learning’’ too? Well,I should certainly hope so. If you have not noticed b now, sex and other parts of relationship building are an important part of the human experience. I would just like to add that I would rather be described as 01 who has offended and provoked a response than one’ who sits around complaining and spelling ‘‘woman’’ wrong. Where did this stupid idea of spelling 4

woman’’as ‘*womyn’’ come from anyway? Geta dictionary, Casper! I prescribe an ounce of laughter and two ounces of cyanide to cure this offence to the English language. The Doctor 3

Dear Doctor, | : Jama fourth year student who will be graduating tHe year. Even though I have an idea of what I would lik to do when I do finish my degree | am concerned that it will be difficult to get employment. I would really like to work here on P.E.I., but there is not much cal for forest rangers on such a small island as P.E.1.. 4 What should I do? 3 4 Signed, Smokey the Bear 3

Dear Smokey, You are quite correct in your assumption that there is little employment in the area of ranging forestson P.E.I.! If youare really serious about becoming a — forest ranger, I would suggest going to somewhere where they actually have sometrees. Colorado, Vermont and British Columbia are some options, bul

_ [think that even if you move it will be difficult to ~

findemployment. There is this humorous problem ~ with unemployment that will leave most students

looking for jobs in areas which they were noteven — considering as career starting points (MacDonald’s, Zeller’s and Bargain Harold’s if you havea B.A., if you havea B.Sc... good luck). My advice to those © graduating is to go to graduate school, because 4 Mulroney has been messing with the Canada Student Loan again and it makes much more sense to stay in school until this depressing recession blows over (or there is an assassination). As for youSmokey,I — would try to find something more realistic, like a jot with the National Parks. Of course Japanese wouldt an asset, because our Japanese touristpercentage might rise thirty to forty (people) this year. Hey, — Mulroney will pay a few extra dollars for this “neces essary’ service. Yeahright! The Doctor

Page.