Cold as Hell : | _ PEOPLE F EARTH! _ Gotta Prcbient?

Weather details on page 43 We tone Eton, bi higly ee Odds Against You? ; s from anothér world ’ . Need Help? GETTA LIFE y REST TANCE IS USELESS! Call Te Getelld kearonee Comma § BUY A FOOTON BEFORE IT IS The Equalizer TOO LATE! 555-7111 °

(We fix student elections)

Volume 7 Number / Thursday, April 13,1989

Security Receives : Lees Bribe ee { q| Story on ~:

Grenade

Launcher

“It Came from

Chocolate DA, @ Bae wn Nowhere!” Pudding .

From Cafeterial CU Student Swallowed By

Leaps up and Massive Mud Puddle

Tries to

Suffocate Unsuspecting

Eater New Security Students Perform Satanic Rituals: Frosh Virgins R . adio Tower

Student Sacrificed to the “Beenie God From the Barn” Falling in Story On os: Love With . _ Goal Post |

Admitted to

Ward Nine of Hospital

Maintenance says Story Orie. Weed